Full Hands, Full Heart, Full Brain, Full Throttle

I have two children. They're almost 4 years apart. It's not that difficult. I look around at friends with 4 that are 5 and under or even just 2 that are closer in age and I think- why am I so overwhelmed? I've got it easy! Patrick attends preschool 2 days a week. I have lots of family around. My husband is usually home by 6-ish. By comparison- it could be a lot more stressful.

However, I'm going to be real here...I'm stressed. I'm blessed...but I'm also really stressed. It always makes me laugh when I'm out and about and strangers comment "wow you have your hands full" and I always try to remember to reply (a little bit tongue and cheek because...this is real cliche) "you should see my heart!" And I mean that sincerely. I love my little family. It brings me joy to be a mother and now a SAHM. However...it also brings me a lot of stress. It's tricky too because I can't really pinpoint specific stressors and say "ok, it's because we have too many toys" or "I need better discipline systems". Whatever the case, I try super hard to remind myself that every mom feels stressed a decent portion of the time. I also try to remind myself that while there are many things I can't control (ie. the temperment of the children I'm blessed with. The weather. The number of hours in the day) there are many more things in my list of stressors that I do have control over. Mind over matter I suppose.

Here's what I can say for sure: for me, being a SAHM of two is WAY MORE DIFFICULT than being a full time working mother of one. I will shout that from the rooftops. I'll always add that caveat that it's for me and in my opinion but that's the honest truth. I feel like I was more on top of things as a working mom. Maybe I took on less. Maybe it's simply because I now have two humans depending on me.

My brain is so full right now. I want a cleaner house. I want to stay on budget better. I want my children to look handsome and well dressed. I want everyone to stay healthy. I want to buy a few simple and meaningful gifts for every member of my family for Christmas. I want to plan healthy meals. I want to make better use of our aquarium pass. I want Patrick to learn to clean his room and stop hitting his own head when he's frustrated. I want to enjoy playing with my children more (I play with them a LOT...but I want to enjoy it more). I want to listen to more podcasts. I want to read more books. I want to make more time for self care. I want to be fully dressed each day by 9 AM. I want to make time for exercise at the gym. I want to be more on time to things- especially social events.These wishes and desires cloud my brain whenever I have a still moment....which I don't often have...hence why my blog is so disastrously behind. Haha.

It's full throttle time now. Time to get serious about some new years goals. Time to implement some strategies to managing stress better. Time to implement systems for better parenting and time management. I'm feeling motivated but I know I need to take baby steps in all of this for the best success.

Also, 2020 is shaping up to be pretty awesome already. I got on the board at the Wasatch Family Foundation which is the group that helps run the charter school that we want to send Patrick to. I'm thrilled. This has secured him a spot at the school and he will start Kindergarten in the fall of 2020. CRAZY! I've also agreed to be the singer for Salty Dinner Theater's production of "Snow White" in February. Then, in the summer I'll be choreographing the musical Matilda for Cottonwood Heights city production in the summer and I'm SO EXCITED to choreograph my first full musical. Can't wait! Also, wish me luck.