Christmas 2020

This Christmas was delightful! We all have fallen into a good groove now that we're so deep into this whole COVID thing. I'm finding myself being rather content with just staying at home most of the time and having fewer places we are running off to all the time. While I miss social interactions, I'm also much more content to connect virtually with a variety of people and physically with our "COVID bubble" or "COVID pod". Most of the time the pod just contains my parents. Since case numbers spiked as the weather got cooler we've kept that bubble closed except for a few outdoor/masked/distanced interactions. For Christmas we opened up the bubble a bit more and were able to see my parents and my in laws in our home basically all day and unmasked, and Andrea's family briefly, indoors, and masked. It's crazy to think that these are the kinds of qualifications we all need to make these days "have a safe holiday". Even the new Pixar movie "Soul" had a caveat at the end of the credits mentioning how the film was created "distanced" and in the individual artists homes in California. Such strange times. Scott and I had to and chose to forgoe many family traditions this year. One of them is "Christmas tree hunting" in the days just after Thanksgiving. One of the best parts about hunting for a Christmas tree is getting to go sledding with cousins and hang out as a family before and after. Since there was a mandate to not spend any time gathering with anyone outside your household for the two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving we felt that it wouldn't be wise to gather immedately after either. So, we masked up and went to a tree lot nearby. We spent $75 on a tree (typically we spend about $50 on gas and the permit when we tree hunt) and I'll admit, we had the best looking tree we've ever had this year. It was so fragrant and full. Thankfully, the needles seemed "pokey" enought that Maxwell didn't seem too interested in touching it. haha. It lost its needles REALLY easily but it managed to look good until Christmas Day. Everyone's presents came with a sprinkling of pine needles...no joke. But it worked out in the end. Another tradition we often enjoy is caroling and the sing along Messiah. This year Scott made a cool shelf for our PA system to go up in the bed of the truck and carol to people from the car. We used the generator we purchased when our power was out for three days in September and strung up lights around the truck bed even. It was so fun to actually feel good about caroling to people and we had a stinkin blast. No luck on finding a fun version of the sing along Messiah. Besides, in our household we'd only have the baritone and alto parts so that would just sound weird anyway. We spent several evenings this Christmas season driving around looking at Christmas lights all over the valley. Maxwell has grown quite familiar with the phrase "Oook Mama! Pretty Yites". ALLLL the heart eyes!!! We saw a huge variety of light displays- a street full of collaborative neigbors who year after year put out big painted plywood signs telling the story "The Night Before Christmas", a city park, a highly professional 40 minute show spanning 4 properties, and a new favorite "Frosty's Winter Wonderland". Initially I was unimpressed with the display. It seemed like a lot of overkill of those glowing plastic yard displays but a friend pointed out what is special about this one. It's put on by a guy that just collects and stores all these cool lights. It's not fancy. It's not set to music. That is what makes it cool. Patrick said as we were looking at the lights "wow, this must take a lot of power" and I responded with "yeah, his power bill must be pretty high". Scott had to work late that night and when we got home Patrick filled daddy in about the house "Yeah, they had a big power bill". haha. What a hoot. For the last several years we have hosted a party for 4 of our couple friends from our BYU choir days. We typically gather for a dinner and some singing and it's always a good time. This year we gathered virtually and learned about the game "Among Us". Scott and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit and have since been trying to get others to join us. So far, no luck on that. LAME. Good thing Scott got us a Nintendo Switch for Christmas so we can play Mario Cart and Just Dance together. Neither of us have ever been "gamers" and it's taken us too long into this pandemic to realize that we needed more games in our life. All of our Christmas morning traditions were in place- the kids view of the living room/ tree being blocked by a blanket, stockings first, presents opened one by one and handed out going from the youngest to oldest choosing which gifts will be opened. Sweet rolls/ monkey pull apart bread for breakfast. Christmas day was perfect. Topping it all off, we got to see Andrea's family. We had all been vigilant enough and Andrea's family had all been vaccinated so- HURRAY! As we roll into the new year I'm filled with hope about what is on the horizon. Notably- getting serious about nursing school. What?! More on that later :)

My Little Men and our home rhythm

I'm loving this current phase of motherhood. Loving it and being completely exhausted by it at the same time. This is how our day often begins: -I wake up and teach English to kids in China until about 6 AM. Often I go back to sleep. We try to convince Patrick to stay in bed until 7 and between 6:45 and 7:15 Maxwell usually wakes up. -Scott leaves for work at 7:15 and the boys sometimes play with eachother but often wind up in bed with me. I call it snuggle time but often it's just the boys jumping on top of me and demanding that I get up to make breakfast. -I put on a pot of water to boil for coffee and begin making the boys some breakfast. Sometimes I can convince them to eat eggs-that's the healthiest breakfast I can come up with most mornings. The second most healthy breakfast I typically attempt is oatmeal and that seems to be a favorite. Chocolate oatmeal with peanut butter is the oatmeal of choice in our home...though two weeks ago we had bagles frequently and Patch seemed quite fond of them. [I'm realizing as I document all of this that it feels really silly and mundane but, maybe someone will care one day. Maybe my posterity will be grateful to get a glimpse into our every day. Maybe not. Either way, here it is] -After breakfast we typically launch into online school work for Patrick and Max typically bobbles about carrying his teddy bear that he's named "Lolo". Patrick made him originally and named him "Farso" but, "Lolo" is stuck now. Anyway, school lasts all of 20-30 minutes typically while I do dishes/ tidy/ sometimes attempt to get dressed (I'll be real though, often these days I'm in my pajamas/ whatever it was I wore to bed until after lunch. Some days, I wear exercise clothes to bed and tell myself I'm going to work out. When we had Patrick in in person school I worked out every day. Now that he's back at home...yeah...it's happened either SUPER early in the morning or late at night...so the workout clothes to bed is wishful thinking) -Patrick often earns screen time after school and chooses to watch a couple of hours of a TV show (I'm trying to pair this down as I'm reading in most of the parenting books that screen time isn't good for kiddos) and Max goes down for his nap. I often convince Patrick to participate in some tidying, getting dressed, and making his bed before show time happens. He's become a lot more compliant when it comes to housework. I'm learning to show more joy in housework and to insist that he get more involved more often. It's slow progress but he's doing a good job and setting an example for Maxwell. When we're putting laundry away I can ususally tell Max "bring this to your room" and he grabs a small stack of clothes and brings them right back. Cute little butt waddling down the hallway. -Typically show time and nap time last about 2 hours during which time I'm either finishing getting ready, cleaning, or trying to squeeze some work into the middle of the day. If I'm lucky and nap time lasts longer, I squeeze in some "quiet time" with Patrick. I'll continue working while he finds a quiet activity like blocks, drawing, playdough, etc. Sometimes we shorten TV time and put this quiet hour before TV time. Either way, we try to get that additional quiet time in and lately, I've allowed Patrick to hang close to me while he engages in whatever activity. I read in "Heaven on Earth" that kiddos sometimes just crave close proximity to parents and that while there is value in learning to play independently, it's ok to indulge their desire to be nearby so, I've stopped insisting that he have quiet time in his room. I think it's made things a lot more harmonious. -In the late afternoon we'll often begin a project, go on a walk or bike ride, or run an errand or two. These days, the errands I run with the boys are extremely limited. They've gone into the grocery store with me twice since the beginning of the Pandemic. One of those times was when the power was out for 4 days and we needed ice so our food didn't go bad. The other time was when I needed a large quantity of sour cream to make meals for some friends families when they were out of town and the dads were flying solo with their 4 kids. Anywho, we run very few errands and it's mostly in the car to pick up things/ drop off things- bank deposits, grocery pickup, drive through to get food, and dropping items off to donate. -Scott gets home around 6 and plays games with the kids/ encourage tidying up of the living room and their bedrooms while I make dinner and by 7:00 we are getting ready for 7:30 bedtime. -After bed I try to get toys tidied off the floor and dishes out of the sink. I have also spent some time reading my parenting books and lately I've been trying to add in exercise during that time. This is our simple home "rhythm" and it's brought me a lot of peace to slow the crap down over the last few months and not worry so much about leaving the house and doing "things" because...well...we can't and that's a good thing. :)

June 2020

 The summer of 2020 has been one for the books...literally. 

Patrick and I started off June with a Black Lives Matter protest and me clumsily explaining all that is happening with the protests and marches. We met up with McKenna in downtown Salt Lake just as the protest was dissipating (dang it!) but we were there! With our masks and our sign that Patrick made which read "Black Guys Matter". He asked me to write that for him. It's been challenging to help him understand why people want to get rid of Chase from the kid's TV show "Paw Patrol" but I've read and learned that black parents have these kinds of conversations early and often with their children and that it's never too early to start talking about racism. There's this idea that if you acknowledge color you are contributing to the problem or that if they (meaning children) are taught early about racism they will somehow become overtly racist. I see the logic in that to some degree- if Patrick doesn't know that shit is a swear word, he's far less inclined to use it than if he knows it's a bad word and wants to use it to be a pill- HOWEVER, the conversation about racism is pretty different from that. So, I've told Patrick that while many police officers are good people, the way that they're taught how to be police and the rules that they uphold are often racist. Moreover, the system at large is designed to imprison people of color which sounds truly shocking but, all the evidence in the movie "Thirteenth" supports this claim. Anyway, obviously challenging to discuss with a 5 year old whose own general mistrust of the world is already becoming evident through some violent behaviors and emotional volatility. We had been taking him to a therapist who suspects he may suffer from some mild anxiety. What a time to be alive and be a parent.

After the protest we went to a super pretentious local coffee shop (they didn't even have sugar in the shop AT. ALL.) to grab a quick bite and then ventured over to our house for a little visit. Kenna and I sat and chatted for a little while as Patrick played with the neighbor kids before our nanny came over and I launched into some work (I've been doing some loan brokering). Kenna and I have had a few longer visits just us lately and it's been really nice. She JUST moved to New Mexico to finish her college degree  and we will miss her a whole lot.

In June we took a LOT of bike rides...like nightly. We explored all around our neighborhood just us as a family and also with our neighbors. It was delightful. 

Patrick and his little neighbor friends have been getting along swimmingly. 

I continued doing some work learning about racism and how to be anti-racist. Our libraries finally opened up again and I attempted to check out a handful of books on racism and there weren't any available....one of them had over 100 holds! I was so pleased to see that and I find myself wondering when I could carve out time to read. I've struggled since the pandemic began to make time to exercise and work and stay on top of cleaning the house and play with the kids and make good meals and go run errands without the kiddos and I wonder- HOW would I squeak in reading? I know I can use my time better...more on that later.

On June 4th Patrick had a socially distanced pre-school graduation. His teachers stood behind him in masks, he got a prize, and a little certificate. We didn't see any of his friends and I know he misses them as he has mentioned them many times. Sometimes, as he's playing with certain toys that remind him of pre-school, he'll tell me stories about school and his friends or remember things he learns. The same often happens with memories he has from Kathie's. 

On June 5th, we took our first trip to visit with Bonnie and Steve since March. They had one quick socially distant bbq on our front lawn earlier in our pandemic but we hadn't stayed with them since the weekend of March 8th when we went to see Steve perform in Annie and it was the weekend before everyone went on lockdown. It was SO SO SO SO nice to visit with them again. We all felt that we had been cautious and careful enough to be indoors together and I know it's been hard on Bonnie to not see the grandkids so, we took the risk.

A few days later, we decided to try going to the zoo. Scott purchased us zoo passes for Christmas and we hadn't been since the weather was too cold and then we were all quarantining. When some of those restrictions lifted, we decided to give the zoo a try. We didn't wear masks and since it was a rainy day there was nearly NOBODY there. In hindsight, I wish we wore masks even though they weren't requiring them at the time...or if they were requiring them they weren't enforcing it and I thought we were safe because everything was outside. Pandemic Michelle of today would be much more careful about that and would wear masks. We didn't make it very long at the zoo because the weather was actually quite cool and the rain was making things rather unpleasant so, we packed it up and headed home. Yia yia came with us though so, we didn't leave without her spoiling Patch and purchasing a cute new umbrella for him which had eyes and a tail to make it look like an animal. When we got home and for several days after that Patrick enjoyed using it to play "Mary Poppins". Sweet boy. Patch reinacted some of the scenes he could remember and I got several of them on film. Adorable.

On June 11th, we took a hike with our neighbor Whitney and her two kiddos. We enjoyed plenty of snacks along the way and got up to a lovely little pond. The week before I made it a goal to go hiking once a week until the start of school. I made it like 5 weeks and got distracted as of late but we have still had LOTS of outdoor adventures.

On June 14th we had a socially distant dinner at Bonnie and Steve's house again. This time Stephanie and family joined us, all masked and outdoors, for about an hour. They left before food was served. We ate in a large circle 6 feet apart, masked up, and got closer to visit again. These are crazy times and we tried to see each other while still being safe. What a world.

On June 15th I went with Mary and Monique to be the "hype girl" for Monique's curbside concert for Salty Dinner Theater season ticket holders. It was our fist concert in an attempt to bring a little bit of theater to our patrons who would otherwise be coming to see our summer show. Since most performances have been cancelled as the virus rages, we are doing what we can to support our people and still get out to perform. It was very fun and I surprised myself by landing a split at the end of all my crazy hype girl dancing.

On June 18th I launched into a project to fix the boy's bathroom toilet. As I was part way through the project, I discover that I do not have the parts I need, I head to Home Depot, I find an employee and she, with lots of "you got this" type of encouragement, told me that all I needed was a simple gasket. Thanks Home Depot lady. I went home and fixed it. I launched into another toilet project tonight where I attempted to install a cloth diaper sprayer hose. Patrick looked at all the tools and supplies and asked "are you doing that thing where there's lots of stuff on the counter for a while again". I stopped in my tracks and decided to let Scott take care of it. haha.

That evening I got dressed up for another curbside concert and this time I got to wear a dress I had purchased from Savers for our girls cruise that got cancelled. I was tickled to be able to get dressed up....like REALLY dressed up for something. I even did my hair all fancy and wore my glitzy hair comb. 

On June 21st, we had a Father's Day dinner at my parents house with Scott's parents and paid a quick visit to Scott's Grandma Moore. This was our second visit with her since the pandemic began. For the first we sat on her driveway in chairs 6 feet apart. For this second, we sat on her back patio and most of the time took turns chasing after our children while Steve visited with his mom. It was pleasant but REALLY toasty and I forgot to bring something with sleeves to wear over my tank top. I wanted to be ultra respectful of Grandma Jean and my in laws and be sure to adhere more closely to their modesty guidelines. While I know they wouldn't say anything judgmental about my sleeveless shirt, I just wanted to be respectful so I ROASTED in my sweater. Woops!

On June 22nd a restoration and repair company paid us a visit because our leaky toilet (that I had launched into fixing AFTER a giant leak happened) had flooded the basement bathroom and lots of drywall needed replacing. Btw, it's now mid August and they STILL HAVENT FINISHED. Annoying. Anywho, our poor tenants had to deal with fans running constantly for days but luckily they appeared to be busy and out of town for a portion of that. Phew.

Thanks to staying home and slowing things down a bit this summer, we've had a morning tradition of cuddle time in bed. The boys wake up and we generally stay there a while snuggling and wrestling and such. On the morning of June 26th Patrick somehow convinced me to let him do my hair. It felt surprisingly good and I even let him spray some "spray stuff" in my hair (vanilla body spray actually along with some dry shampoo...it was a disaster but also, it still felt really good).

On June 29th, I ordered myself an at home COVID test so that I could ensure I was COVID negative in preparation to spend time with Mary and Dan for Clarke's birthday/ pool party at our house. After some convincing, I was able to get Scott to go take a test as well and we all felt good about getting together. It was so strange to feel "normal" for a minute and see my dearest friends whom I've hardly seen (save for the occasional meeting for our theater company- more on that later as well!) and I've not been able to play with their kiddos AT ALL so, it was amazing. 

On June 30th I fixed the face of a drawer that kept flipping forward (the hardware that allowed it to come forward for the sake of one of those pull out cutting boards busted) soooo while Scott plans to create a much more permanent and nicer version of this and two other busted drawers, I took matters into my own hands and screwed the one face on bypassing the busted hardware and double stick tapped the other two. Gotta do what you gotta do. I was exceedingly proud of myself.

K. That was June. June was good but June was also weird. I'm getting used to things feeling weird and good. 

Musings on Motherhood

Musings 

My hands sting under the running water

It's hot

It helps cut down on the grease and grime

The sting feels a little bit good and a little bit bad.

Motherhood stings the same way

We plunge our hands into the work

It's hard

It helps to know when to step in and when to step back

The sting of motherhood is watching them grow.

It feels a little bit good and a little bit bad.

The Corona Virus Pandemic

I won't pretend to understand the scientific elements of contagion or global pandemics. I know something about biology (thanks to my almost otherwise useless degree in exercise science) and even had an argument the other day with Patrick about science. Again, I was able to tell him that I am in fact a scientist and that I studied science in college. Still, I know about as much as the average Jo about the current pandemic. Here's been our family experience-

In December there was an outbreak of a new virus in China. The virus spread quickly and was particularly deadly to elderly populations. The symptoms were a high fever that lasted quite a while and some respiratory issues...along with a few other variable symptoms. Things seemed to carry on as normal until just after Chinese New Year when most of my students remained home and did not return to school. The country appeared to be on lock down to try to prevent the spread of this virus.

I've continued to teach my students but remained perplexed why everything was shutting down when it seemed like healthy adults and children were not at risk. Additional countries began experiencing the infection and after some cruises had outbreaks and some US citizens were diagnosed, now we're all practicing "social distancing" and in many cases, self quarantines in our homes.

For several weeks the stores have been running out of toilet paper and water. It's puzzling why people are rushing off to stock up on these items when the quarantine doesn't mean you're not able to get TP. If everyone cooled off on that, you could still get TP delivered through grocery delivery services but the problem is now, there's no TP to be found. It's wild.

I suppose people are worried that all services might stop- mail delivery and restaurants. It might not be that far fetched actually given that most of the schools are shutting down for the next two weeks along with the cancellation of many performances, athletic events, and other social gatherings. The Salt Lake County library system has shut down for the rest of the month (I have books due soon so...I wonder how I'm supposed to get those back). The governor has requested that we not host or attend any events or gatherings with more than 100 people. Thus, my auditions for Matilda were cancelled until further notice and Patrick's preschool will stop for the next two weeks too. Scott will still be going into work and production people are still planning to go in. All office and administrative type people will be working from home. Many companies are having their employees work from home. I have 3 friends who were accepted to and just began the Disney College Program who are being sent home because Disney Land and Disney World have both closed until further notice!!! The NBA has called off March Madness. It's interesting to ponder the potential economic impact of this virus. We shall see what the coming days and weeks and possibly months bring.

Me and my girlfriends did stock up on some food to make freezer meals. I feel guilty about it now because we didn't NEED those items right now. We essentially "took" them from others that may have needed to purchase them for this week's groceries. We do have a bunch of food in our freezer now. My family will not be going hungry or going to the store for the next while. I've offered to help anyone in my social circle who may be struggling so, maybe someone will take me up on it and I can deliver a freezer meal to someone who needs it. oy. This shiz is cray.

In the meantime, this extrovert is going to have to get creative in order to not lose my mind being trapped at home so much. Wish us luck....although, this blog is for my posterity so, you'll be reading this long after the event so...I hope you're on the edge of your seat reading this! I'll let you know what happens next. haha.

A Letter to Patrick on the eve of his 5th Birthday

My dearest Patch,

Where do I begin? Well, let's start with tomorrow- YOUR 5th BIRTHDAY!!! Each year you've looked forward to your birthday more and more. It's fun for me to see you get excited to celebrate your special day. I know that not everyone celebrates every birthday but, when I was growing up, we always did so, I intend to always make your birthday a big deal. In our home, when it's your birthday, you have birthday powers. You decide what we eat and where we go and what we do. It's pretty special. This year, we're scaling back the party...at least I think we are...it feels like a lot less work but maybe from the outside will still look elaborate. We're keeping it simple and doing basically exactly what you asked for. It's a sleepover party...just without the sleeping over part. I hope you have the best time. <3 div="">

Last night, just before bed, you told me you wanted to lay on the couch and snuggle. You sure do know where my soft spots are! I let you stay up late and snuggle as I fell asleep holding you close. You jabbered a few things to me while I dozed off. I've been getting up to, as you say, "teach Chinese". I've been teaching VIPKID at 3 AM all week and have been extra tired. You suggested that we snuggle in my bed so, off we went after a short while snuggling on the couch. You brought me one of your stuffed toys- a monster you've named Silly Socks- and left him with me when you went to bed. I kept him with me all night and this morning you noticed that I still had him and said "Mom, I know you snuggled with Silly Socks all night". Yep buddy, I sure did.

A few days ago I lost my patience with you about something silly (my own frustrations and lack of patience regarding you learning to use the potty to go no. 2 all by yourself). I yelled. You cried. I felt horrible and cried too and apologized. You said in the moment that you were happy I was sad but later, when I apologized again and admitted that "Mom is far from perfect". You came close to me, looked up and said, "it's ok Mom. No one is perfect." You're so wise and quick to forgive. When we have an argument or squabble, we often both apologize to each other. It's something quite grown up that you've learned to do. I'm so proud of you.

There are so many wonderful things you're learning and saying and doing. You're pretty sweet with Maxwell and it makes me pretty happy to see you be interested in making him smile. Today you helped me make your birthday cake (and Yia yia's birthday cake). Maxwell was interested in participating too. I set him up on a chair so that he could get into one of the drawers and occupy himself with the items inside. You started playing with him and crawling under the chair. Maxwell was giggling and so were you. You're often playing little games with him like that. 

You are my boy and I'm so grateful that you're mine.

Happy 5th birthday! Thank you for making me a mom.

Mighty Maxwell

Maxwell just turned a year old while we were on a cruise down the Mexican Riviera. Then, boom, it was Christmas so, we haven't had the chance to properly celebrate him. Granted, the day we flew home, Auntie Ana and Uncle Brent joined us for lunch at a seafood restaurant at the harbor and brought him cupcakes and a sweet little gifty gift. Everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to him there as well as on the last night of the cruise. I suppose technically, we did celebrate but, why not celebrate again? Really, I want to give him the chance to smash a cake and capture a cute picture. All the other times we've sung to him I've been the one holding him. haha.

Anywho, here are some of the things that one year old Max seems to enjoy:

-squeezing the back of peoples arms when he is being held
-bottles and binkies....we will begin weaning him of those now
-digging his fingernails underneath mine and pushing back on my fingertips/ into my nail bed. It's such a strange feeling for me but he consistently seems to enjoy doing it.
-he's starting to push things around and turns them into walkers. He's also started to let go and balance himself in a standing position
-he LOVES being tossed in the air and I have this one move where I flip him 180 degrees to face out. Then I throw him up while turning him another 180 degrees to face me. It's a fun one. I dropped him once. Not my best mom moment. Luckily, a mattress broke his fall.
-He says "dada" and "muhmuh". I'm not certain he knows what "muhmuh" means but it seems like he's getting the hang of it
-When he sees goldfish, he demands that he gets to eat some by grunting loudly
-Max has discovered our IKEA tent and tunnel and he giggles as he crawls through
-He's obsessed with the bath/water- he likes to splash when he's taking a bath, when Patch is taking a bath, when he can get to Dinah's water, any time :)
-Max loves to sit in the dishwasher door when I'm load and unloading. He's so "helpful".
-if he hears a good beat, he will often bounce/ dance
-loves to shake his head from side to side. We're not sure why but he does it a lot
-When he's tired or mad he likes to head butt or bang his head on the bed, couch cushions, and unfortunately, sometimes the floor.
-Max likes to snuggle and be held
-We've yet to put him in a pair of shoes and he ALWAYS pulls his socks off in the car. Always.
-He loves when people get in close to his face and then back away and get close again. He will show you how much he likes it with a big grin showing all 7 of his teeth.
-He appears to be a very social child and claps when others are clapping, smiles when others are smiling and talking (even if it's not to him)
-So far, he's proven to be a much more picky eater than Patrick (DANG!) but we're still trying purees so I can sneak in some veggies...little stinker
-For some reason, Max loves to grab Dinah's snout and while she's demonstrated a great deal of patience...I can tell it's wearing on her.
-If anyone gets down on the ground to crawl with Max, he lights up like a Christmas tree!
-When I'm doing laundry, he has a habit of going over to our renter's canned food items to re-arrange and play
-He's obsessed with the vacuum and mop. If either are ever on the floor, he will find his way over to push them around and play with them. He often gets easily frustrated for some reason but nevertheless still seems to enjoy.

Maxwell has brought a lot of joy to our family. He's been such a happy baby and we're lucky to have him.