18 Summers

There's a lot of sentimental people who point out that "you only get 18 summers with your kids" and there's been research that shows that you spend your greatest portion of time with small children when your own kids are little and that amount dramatically tapers off as they grow- which seems obvious yet, when you step back a sense of urgency builds and the "mom guilt" kicks in. Are we spending enough time with our kids? Do I yell too much? Are they turning into good humans? This summer I'm trying to let go of all of the second guessing and simply do my best. Before Scott and I went on our week long vacation to Long Beach and a cruise I implemented a "checklist" for the boys. Here's the list: Get dressed Brush teeth Brush hair (mostly for Patrick as he is growing his hair out and it looks like a frizzy disaster most of the time) tidy living room tidy bedroom cleaning task practice piano for Patch fill up Dinah's food and water bowls for Max Typically it takes us until about 1:00 to get through this list. I'll make breakfast and let the boys play until they start fighting. When they stop getting along I say "ohp, let's get going on our tasks" which is probably not the best strategy. I don't want them to feel like cleaning is "punishment". I try to position it like "well, I think we need to separate and focus our energy on getting through our daily checklist". Who knows if that's working. They'll probably talk about it in therapy one day. Just add it to the list. The good news is, I'm feeling much less overwhelmed by our home. I've been trying to declutter and while I've slowed down my concentrated efforts on decluttering I'm still feeling more and more at peace at home. I'm trying to lay the foundation for the kids that we are a family. We work together to take care of the space that we share and I feel like we talk through this "why" all the time. It feels like I'm doing the right thing. Aside from our daily checklists we have been having LOTS of fun with Katelyn and Erik's wedding, our cruise, a road trip to Idaho, a quick overnight camp trip near Nephi, hosting a 4th of July party at my parents, hosting a 24th of July party at our house, attending the somewhat annual 24th of July party (on the 22nd) at Brad and LuAnns, paddleboarding on Deer Creek, Lagoon with Madie and Eva, a birthday shopping spree with Madie and Eva at Savers (an annual tradition), hosting an outdoor movie, a couple trips to Get Air, the drive in movie with Kathie, Taylorsville Dayz, and a bit more. It's been a fun and busy summer...possibly one among the 18 that will stand out. Possibly not. I just hope these kids know we love them a whole heck of a lot.

Content

In 2014 I played Blanche Barrow in the regional premier of the Frank Wildhorn musical Bonnie and Clyde. Blanche was a God fearing woman who was pretty irritated with her husband and brother in law for scheming and plotting to rob banks and make easy money. She wanted a simple life which of course the character sings about in an emotional ballad: Just an ordinary life Easy days and quiet nights Lazy walks beside a stream, Now that's what you call a dream No ideas and no big plans Happy with the way things are No one with a scam or scheme, Now that's what you call a dream These dreams of yours make no sense at all It's what's inside, not what's out there We both could have a perfect life, And not go anywhere. You miss a lot when you ask too much You're all I need, not one thing more, Buck All I ever wanted is on this side of the door. Children playing in the barn Buck is rocking in his chair In the house the candles gleam, Now that's what you call a dream In the house the candles gleam, Now that's what you call a dream For years when people ask me how I'm doing I frequently respond "Oh, just over here living the dream" no matter what I'm doing. Sitting at a desk at work. Driving kids to school. Making dinner. Cleaning toilets. Bathing in the sun on the beach in Hawaii. Changing a poopy diaper. Having brunch with friends. All of it is "the dream". Lately I find myself feeling this season of my life is all about the simple things. It's about simplifying. It's about enjoying what we have and embracing the chaos that is raising small children. It's about saying no to the things that compromise home life. It's about saying yes to opportunities that will enrich home life. One of my big goals this year is to simplify and the actionable thing I've really tackled on that is decluttering. I've been parting ways with clothing and toys and house gadgets and books and dishes and all manner of things that are cluttering our home. The fewer things I have to manage, the more time I'll have to be with my kids and the more mental energy I'll have to truly relax and enjoy. Everone who knows me knows that I love to play. I love activity. Scott and I will frequently forgoe weekends where we can do house projects to take advantage of an invitation for fun. We are spontaneous and love a good time. On the day to day I make a conscious effort to sit down and play with the kids. We play LEGO and board games and draw and do science experiments. I'll sit and read to them in the middle of the day. I hope that's a memory they hold onto- mom payed with us. She enjoyed us. The point is, if I have less clutter, I can enjoy all of that play time more and the moments when we do decide to clean up will be more managable for all of us. There's other clutter in life- lots of possible distractions. Right now I'm trying to stay focused on nursing school and my little family but dang it I LOVE theater and I miss it. It's been hard to remind myself that now is not the time! A couple of months ago a friend reached out to me and asked me if I'd audition for Polly in Crazy for You. This role would have been perfect for me- a spirited independent woman falls in love with a banker from out of town all the while singing Gershwin music. I was thinking it could be a sort of "swan song" before starting nursing school. I auditioned and the production team liked me but thankfully the production got cancelled due to funding. It was honestly such a relief and that expereince confirmed that I'm to remain focused for now on this other dream of being a nurse. Scott finished a run of Anastasia with the Salty Dinner Theater last week and as I put together the family calendar for March it made my heart so happy to see so many open days. I feel a contentment. A sense of peace. After so much decluttering I'm becoming more content with the contents of our home (see what I did there?!). This peace and contentment... I hope it's not the calm before the storm. I sense that it's just I'm finally allowing myself to enjoy slower days. Being the mother of young children will do that I suppose. They just thrive when they're at home and allowed to free play. They don't need constant activity and rigid structure. Patrick's school calls their ideal home life a "rhythm" which I love. I don't like rushing my kids around from place to place. Anyone who knew me intimately 4 years ago would probably not recognize this version of me and that's ok. Like I said, I'm content.