Future Plans

Scott and I celebrated 10 years of marriage/ his 35th birthday two weekends ago. Yes, yes, we celebrated a bit early. I figured that by the time August rolls around I'll be pretty uncomfortable so, the idea of trying to get away and celebrate then didn't sound very appealing. Anyway, the 10 years of marriage milestone has given me pause to think quite often about what life was like 10 years ago and what it might be like 10 years from now. My dad always likes to point out that no matter what, time will go by. So, where do you want to be? I decided quietly several months ago to pursue nursing. It's something that's been in the back of my mind since I was in high school. Nursing has always been a top carreer option for me and for a while was my absolute number one. I even recently stumbled across a Facebook post I made in May of 2012, just after graduating from BYU. I listed some top career options. 1: Disney Princess 1a: teacher 2: nurse. Even after I finished my degree I was leaning toward nursing. I'm not certain why teaching took the lead there upon graduation. Perhaps it was because the barrier to entry seemed easier and the job seemed more managable as a mom which I knew was something I wanted to be eventually. Anyway, I have a lot of healthcare workers in my life: my sister in law, her husband, their daughter, two of my cousins, one of my dearest friends. I've observed as they've grown or begun to grow their careers. I've observed as they've balanced parenting/motherhood and nursing. The Pandemic has brought some things to light 1: healthcare workers are overworked and underpaid and I see (read hope for) some major changes in our country's health care system in the coming years. 2: Learning became primarily remote- even the nursing students were doing their labs and simulations and many of their clinicals remotely (my CNA course was almost fully online with a lab dedicated to just me when I wanted to go pass off things etc) 3: in a short while I will be ready to rejoin the workforce full time and contribute to my family's financial goals (when our youngest, about to be born, enters school full time).3: rarely is one "just a stay at home mom". To those that are- amazing. Wonderful. I support them. I filled my first year of being a SAHM with all kinds of enriching activities for the kids. Patrick is a busy kid and needs lots of stimulation that I alone wasn't able to give him so we saught out play dates and zoo trips and an aquarium pass and a "joy school" with some neighborhood moms. We took basically weekly trips to Costco and had many little activities keeping us busy and entertained and happy. Then the pandemic hit. Scott was furloughed. I was in talks about starting a theater with some friends. I was working part time as a broker. But for the most part, all of that was at home and yet, I was hustling. I kept looking around at so many of the women around me and realized that many of them are actually juggling a side hustle of some kind. I was feeling guilty about wanting to work part time or even considering it but then I realized- so many of these "influencer" types on the internet ARE working. So many of my SAHM friends build side businesses. I enjoy being busy. When I wasn't out and about with the kids, I busied myself in other ways and boom, around October/November it hit me like a ton of bricks- now is the time to pursue nursing. So, while the immediate future holds the birth of our 3rd child, a baby that we're almost certain we will be naming Clara Charlene, I'll be applying for nursing school in a year and continuing to broker and working part time as a CNA between now and then. A big wrench in things- covid is RAGING once again. I had visions of this fall, of course I had lots of plans initially. I made the decision to do nursing and then very shortly after I got pregnant (very intentionally mind you) but you just never know how the timing is going to work out on these things. So, I had it in my mind that I would take my CNA course, start working, have the baby, apply for nursing school and start in the fall. Bahahahahahahahahaha. That was silly. Nobody really told me "Michelle,) that's crazy". Well, I have one dear friend who kind of did but she eventually just kind of accepted my craziness. Anyway, I dove into the CNA thing. Kept brokering. Enrolled in my final prerequisite (introductory biology) and kept growing a baby...oh and mothering/ being a decent wife and half way decent friend. 6 months goes by and here we are. I'm 5 weeks away from delivering this baby, officially a CNA for about 90 days now, done with that biology class (managed a solid B grade- go me!) and covid is raging. I layed some plans for the fall but after doing 6 months of school realized that full time school and part time work and family life- especially with a brand new baby- aren't going to work well together. Further, COVID feels like it's doing its thing and adding another fun layer of complication to all aspects of life. Particularly, I don't feel super good about sending Maxwell to "preschool" now- now that I'm not doing school full time along with part time CNA and broker work and especially not now with COVID. So, my three mornings a week of quiet time with just baby at home aren't looking possible but, I'm feeling ok about it. Keeping Maxwell home feels like the right choice now. But holy crum buckets things have evolved quite a lot over the last 6 mos but it feels meant to be.

Hawaii 2021

Sometimes I bother with creative titles for my posts and other times I feel uninspired and I just write :) Today is an uninspired title day however, I have been feeling quite inspired to write. I knew it had been a few months. I was pretty spot on! Go me. I'm feeling especially inspired because we are on a family vacation to Hawaii at the moment and having a magnificent time. It's 6:15 AM. Maxwell woke up at 5:45 and Patrick at about 6:10...pretty decent adjusting to Hawaii time...and all the adults went to bed by 9 PM. Where's the laugh/cry emoji? The boys are watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and while I'd like to take a walk to the beach and watch the sunrise, I need to keep them quiet so, I'll blog instead. We flew out to Hawaii on March 16th which means we've been here for 8 full days already and it's been delightful. Good food. Lots of sun. Beautiful beaches. Mostly good weather. Mostly well behaved children. Mostly energized parents. I can't complain. Our first order of business upon arrival was to stop by the Costco and pick up some provisions- snacks are essential! We got "home" to the condo and quickly changed for the beach. We headed over to Turtle Bay and enjoyed a late afternoon in the sun. Patrick caught a lizard in the condo just before we left so, check that box off! Now, of course, he wants to catch more. Who could blame him?! it's so fun! Max wants to catch the birds...a more difficult task. Our second full day in Hawaii we started the morning quite windy and overcast but the afternoon at Turtle Bay beach was absolute bliss. Weather was sunny and breezy and PERFECT! So sunny that we all got burned. Whoops. Particularly me and Patrick. Patrick's face and my belly. DANG IT! However, the beach was calm and it was so so so pleasant so I couldn't help but stay out in the sun all day. When Scott joined us for the second half of the day he and Patrick went out snorkling for the first time and Patch was so excited! Thursday we got rained on quite a lot. In the morning we got some beach time but in the afternoon we drove past Teds Bakery and decided to console ourselves with a pineapple macademia nut cheese cake. Scott said we all deserved it due to the weather. On Friday we played for the morning at Shark's Cove in the tide pools. The recent rain and flooding brought a lot of silt into the pools so visibility was suuuuuper bad. Patrick was NOT into it and feeling very scared of urchins and rocks. Bummer. He pulled through and went out with me but was not enamored by the experience and I don't blame him! Even I was scared of stepping down on sharp rocks and urchins. Initially I had him try to float above the rocks and hold onto my flipper while I guided us out of the water. I figured that floating above would increase visibility because we wouldn't be stirring up the silt and that he could simply follow after me. That wasn't his favoirte either. I wound up having him ride on my back while I swam over the rocks and got us to a place where we could walk the rest of the way. While on shore we may have redeemed the experience because Patch found some REALLY cool shells. Like super cool. I got lots of sunshine and time in the water. Max got lots of time to play in the big sandbox...ie. the beach so, all in all, still a success! In the afternoon we headed back to Turtle Bay Beach and Scott and Patrick explored the tide pools there and built a BIG hole in the sand. Saturday was our first full day with Scott off work! Woooohooooo! My parents had some errands to run so, Scott and I walked with the boys to Kavella Bay. The weather was bliss and it was fun to take a MAJOR shortcut across the golf course. Typically we have to walk to the road that leads to the horse stables which takes you in a giant circle but we were able to cut across due to the golf course being closed because of COVID. It makes me wonder though...why is the golf course closed? What more socially distanced sport is there? Anyway...We explored for a bit stopping by the horse stables, the surf side of Turtle Bay, and walked by the historic/ famous banyon tree. It's been in a few movies and TV shows. It's huge and hundreds of years old. Typically you can swing from the vines like Tarzan but they were doing some restoration on the tree. I guess there had been some insects infecting it so they had a sprinkler system set up around it along with some temporary fencing. As we walked along, Patrick was itching to explore the "dark woods" ie. the area with densly growing trees right next to the beach. Finally we arrived and had fun with a little hut someone had made out of the driftwood. Patrick and I played games in the sand (tic tac toe and pictionary) and Scott took Max all the way in the ocean. We also found a few sand crabs! We all went to Turtle Bay for the afternoon and there Patrick found a green coconut to bring home. I had fun watching Patrick try and figure out how to open it. He was throwing it, throwing rocks against it, scraping it, everything he could think of. Finally I showed him a video of someone at the PCC opening one and was like "whoa, we need a sharp knife and spear" and I was like...yep. We do. On Sunday we spent the morning at Wiamea Beach. We got rained on a bit at first but then BOOM sunshine. Everyone had a hard time peeling me and Patch off the beach. We were there from like 9 in the morning until 2 PM. The waves were perfect to do a little boogie boarding. The water was clear. The sun was shining. The kiddos were happy. Max discovered how fun it is to sit on the boogie board too. I would hold him tight and he'd ride the shore break with me. This made Papou quite nervous but Max was insatiable! He loved it and so did I! That afternoon we hit up Bonzai Beach. The rip current and waves were a little intense but I brought the boys in the shore break a little and there were lots more fun shells to look at there. Plus, the storms had made a really fun sand ledge to slide down and jump off of. Patrick made a little friend there and it was a good time. Monday we drove to Honalulu do Waikiki and Dukes. We stopped for gas. We stopped to pick up some new drapes. So, while we left the condo at 8:30, my body wasn't on the beach until 10:30. DANG IT! And our lunch reservation was at 11. Oh well. When we finished eating we were still on sunny Waikiki beach fun about 1:30-3:00 and we'd had SO MUCH sun the day before and so much HOT HOT sun in Waikiki that we all felt ok about leaving. Shocking, I know. On Tuesday morning we went back to Waiamea for the morning and built more stick structures. While the water was murky this time (probably from more rain) we played in it anyway and soaked up the sun. We headed out with Scott in the afternoon to Hukilau Beach and got rained on a bit but, it doesn't quite matter for that beach. It's all about playing in the waves. The water is never clear there. It's always windy. But the waves are ALWAYS fun. I convinced Patrick to come boogie board with me in the shore break. I also got Max to ride the shore break skim board style buuuut, he can't quite hold himself on and slipped off and ate some sand/ salt water and decided he was done. Poor little guy. Scott and I both got in some really fun runs on the body boards before heading home to eat our thrown together "Greek" food and go pick up cousin Katie from the airport. On our way back from the airport there was a fatal accident on Kam highway right by Wiamea and the road was shut down for 3 hours. We decided that instead of waiting, we'd go ahead and turn around and go Kaneohe way back home...which basically meant circumnavigating the island. I checked the reports and the road wound up openening at 9:50 PM which meant that while we would have waited for 2 hours, we would have still gotten home around the same time. Oh well. At least we knew that if we turned around nothing else was going to hold us up even longer. Wednesday morning I went all out and made us banana pancakes, complete with macademia nuts and coconut syrup, bacon, and eggs to celebrate Katie's arrival. We headed out to Wiamea beach because, according to my weather app, there would be sun in Wiamea. Turns out I was following Wiamea Valley in Kauai sooo, while we had lots of heat and intermittent sun...we also got dumped on for the first 20 minutes and sprinkled on here and there the rest of the time. Patrick still had a blast because there was another kiddo there around his same age who had been there on Tuesday morning too. They had met in the water but didn't really play. On Wednesday they played with a stick hut structure and collected leaves to add to the roof and reinforced the walls. Then they started playing over by where the river inlets to the ocean from the Wiamea Valley. The banks of the river had become tall walls of sand to jump from and slide down and the kids were loving it. I was loving the warmth and patches of sun. The lifeguards were announcing to everyone and warning people to not get in the water. The waves were pretty big so, while Patrick played with his friend Duke, Max and I ran around in the shore break chasing waves. It would have been a perfect day for skim boarding but, I haven't seen much of that in a while. Maybe it's a sport that is out of vogue now. Regardless, we had a lovely time. In the afternoon we popped by Ted's Bakery for lunch and brought that home to enjoy. Maxwell fell asleep in the car so, I too that opportunity to stay in the van while Max slept and eat my meal while watching the latest episode of "This is Us" on my phone. The rain conditions continued to worsten. We waited a couple of hours to see if things would clear up. As we drove past Shark's Cove the conditions looked decent and sunny-ish but by the time we headed out everywhere was rainy. We hopped in the car and literally chased a small patch of clear skies all the way to residential Haleiwa and found ourselves at Aweoweo Beach. The kids were excited because there was a playground. I was excited because there were some really beautiful beach bungalow houses to look up and gawk at on Zillow (I guess this is what happens when you reach your 30's) and Kate was content to just look at the pretty views and enjoy close proximity to the ocean. I spent our time at the beach supervising the boys on the playground. They were happy to be doing something different :) On Thursday we had a hot sunny day in Waikiki. Unfortunately I could not find a spot for Scott to reliably work in Honolulu so he felt more comfortalbe continuing to work from the condo. That meant that we left him in Turtle Bay while we went to town but he insisted that he had lots of emails and reports to catch up on and that he was fine with staying. It rained basically all day on the North Shore but he was able to escape to the beach for a couple of hours and enjoy some sun. Waikiki was perfectly sunny and warm and it was glorious. We got on to the beach by about 10 AM and were there until 3. It was so delightful. We bobbed around in the waves. We ate hula pie shakes. Patrick and I even chased the larger waves down the way a bit in front of the Moana hotel. He said "those look bigger over there- lets go!" and when my brave 6 year old boy wants to try something that scared him at first, I drop everything to be there for him. Luckily my parents could hang back with Maxwell who played happily in the sand while Patrick and I rode the shore break. It was a great time and I could tell that he was totally jazzed about those waves. My parents left the beach to go grab Dukes and me and the boys ate our packed lunches and snacks. Maxwell asked me to take him "in the ocean on boogie board" and I couldn't say no to him either so, back I went to "ride" the waves with him. Oh my heavens I love these boys and I love experiencing this place with them. Friday was a FULL sunny day on Hukilau Beach. I'm talking DAY. I could not believe how sunny it was and the wind was so calm. Hukilau was probably the sunniest I've seen it. We arrived by about 9 AM and didn't leave until close to 5. We took no break from the beach and all got a little too much sun but it was SO SO SO fun. We played in the sand. We put on snorkel masks and dove around under the water. We boogie boarded. We splashed around in the shore break. Maxwell even lost a little blue beach truck toy in the water and another kid found it...miracle! We ate snacks. We met new friends. We cought sand crabs. Maxwell even took his 2 hour nap on the beach. It was an absolutely dreamy day. My parents left around lunch time to grab Scott and get themselves some food. Patrick called the shot that afternoon and decided he wanted to stay at Hukilau rather than go to a different beach and I'm not mad that was his decision. It was just heavenly. When Scott arrived we boogie boarded for a little while and were catching tons of awesome waves together. Patrick was splashing around in the shore break and throwing sand clods at us as we rode in. I was surprised at how well things were going for me in my pregnant state and while I tired more quickly of the waves, I was definitely pumped up on adrenaline. Scott and I rode in on two waves in a row and smooched as we got on shore. We'd been trying to do that "move" for years now. Success! Haha. Patrick and I got in several last waves and finally peeled off the beach close to 5:00. We all went to 7 Brothers in Kahuki (formerly the Kahuku Grill) for dinner. Katie had been craving the coconut macadamia shrimp and that was one of her "must eat" meals when coming here. That evening we came home and watched "My Octopus Teacher" on Netflix- a documentary about a man that free dove into the ocean off the coast of South Africa every day for a year and literally befriended an Octopus. Such a cool film and pretty cool to watch it after we ourselves were feeling this connection to the beach. It could not have been a more perfect day. Saturday we knew that the kids needed a change of pace. Patrick wasn't thrilled about going to the beach again (which is puzzling because each time we go it takes great effort to get him to leave...and I get it...it usually takes some effort to get me to leave too) but, we decided that it would also be good to let our sunburns get a rest and we headed into Haleiwa for a bit of shopping in the morning and to hit up the famous "Matsimoto's Shave Ice". We stopped there first actually...probably just after 10 AM...shave ice and icecream. No biggie. Then we walked up and down the streets and stopped in a few different shops. Scott and I picked up a frog guerro instrument and a conch shell. We like to grab home decor on our travels. We were hoping to find this well liked taco truck to eat lunch at but couldn't find it and settled on "Killer Tacos" which was severly disappointing. The taco place happened to be right next door to a ukalele store which was also closed due to the recent flooding. Katie wanted to snag a ukalele for her boyfriend Eric and we were hoping to find a store closeby/ conveniently located. No such luck. Defeated, but still clutching our souveniers, we headed back to pick up my dad who decided to lay low at home for the morning. As we passed Shark's Cove I thought it looked promising and we decided to try and head back there for the afternoon. After transferring Max to nap at the condo, we packed it up with just me, Scott, and Katie. The tide was low and therefore the beach felt especially rocky. The water clarity was absolute ribbish but, we went out anyway hopeful that we'd find some clear spots and see some fish. I brought some old pancakes to "chum" the water and bring out the fish so, after about 15 minutes in the water I dumped the back and while for a moment it clouded the water further, it did bring out many additional fish. I was lucky enough to catch a quick glimpse of a small eel and drew Scott and Katie's attention to it. I kept spotting different varities of fishes and pointing them out while Scott coached Katie on snorkling/swimming. It was a fun time and nice, as always, to be in the ocean. I'm always just happy to have my body in a body of water. On Sunday we decided to give Wimanalo a try. We arrived at the beach by about 10 AM but the wind was blowing at about 14 miles an hour and I counted 10 Portugues Man of War on the shoreline. I was grumpy about the wind, lack of sunshine, and jelly fish but everyone else seemed somewhat content to wait it out since we had driven an hour to get to that beach. Close to 11:00 the sun began to shine a bit, things warmed up, and the wind calmed down. The boys found some left behind sand toys, Patrick built a fortress for our sand toys out of nuts and sticks. Max enjoyed all the snacks we brought. My dad and I walked up and down the beach. Scott enjoyed the views and Kate relaxed and searched for a ukalele shop. Close to 1:00 we decided to ditch the beach and continue driving up the east side of the island. Scott and I were thrilled because this was a totally new experience for us. We drove by "sandy beach" and the blow hole. We saw the beach that was in the film "From Here to Eternity"- a favorite of my Grandma Warren's. Scott and I only need to drive along/ explore more of the western part of the island and we will have been around the entire border...which isn't that difficult because it's not that big of an island but still...there's so much to explore! We see something new every single time we come. I suppose it's like that any place though...there's basically always somewhere new to explore even in our own city. Anywho, we arrived in Honalulu to the music shop Kate chose and helped her pick out a ukalele for Eric. It's too bad that the Pono ukalele factory was closed becuase the entire Moore family had a great time exploring their factory and show room when we were here together 5 years ago. Dang covid. Kate found one she loved at a good price point and the wood it was made from was special- a fire-y mahogany. So cool. When we got back to Turtle Bay Patrick was itching to get on the beach again (my kind of guy!) so we quickly popped over to Turtle Bay just our little family and splashed around in the waves and played on the sand. The usual. We rushed back home for "tri-tip Sunday". My parents invited some neighbors over and the kids played and played and played. It was darling. Their little girl turned 5 in November and their son is almost 9. Patrick was so eager to play with them again that he made plans for Monday where he'd "do cool stuff with him and princess stuff with her". So cute. My little charmer. In the evening after they left we stayed up chatting (and by stayed up I mean we talked until 10 PM...I tire especially early in Hawaii. It feels lame but, that's just how it is!). Monday was our second to last day and Scott's last full day off. We knew he would be working on Tuesday so we wanted to maximize the day and squeeze in as much fun as possible. Katie decided to go zip lining so, after dropping her off for that adventure we headed back to the condo to get ready for our 9 AM beach date with the neighbors. My parents have befriended several of the families that live in Turtle Bay and attend their same branch. They're mostly families with young kids so it has been fun to meet them as my parents have grown closer to them. Our new friends showed us Queen's Bath (different from the one in Kauai). It was a quiet little cove just next to the hotel and off a bike path that winds through the trees. The sun was shining bright that morning and there were especially interesting shells to be found on that beach. After lotioning up wiht sunblock, a ritual that takes me a solid hour to do me and the boys, we were able to finally relax and splash around in the shallow pool. The coral protected the little pool from the waves and made for excellent exploring for Patrick and Isla (she just turned 5 in November). I could swear those two were about to run off in the sunset hand in hand. They kept pace with eachother quite well and had fun exploring the reef. Maxwell must have noticed the shallow pool and deemed it safe so, he slowly made his way down the beach all by himself and simply walked into the water until he was waist deep. I was so proud! He did lose his balance for a moment and fell forward. Water got him up to the nose and mouth but, he caught himself with his hands, stood up, and walked out of the water. Again, so proud! At about 11:00 we got a call from Katie that her zip lining had finished so, Scott scampered off to go get her. We managed to get the kids off the beach and headed back to the cars by about 12:30. Max and Patch were taking their time. The kids were playing games and picking flowers. It took us a while to get back. After lunch Patrick decided to stay with his new friend a bit longer, Max took a nap, and Katie and Scott and I went off to Electric Beach to snorkel. It was fun to have a little bit more time as just adults :) The weather was a bit drizzley but we got into the water anyway and the visibility was the best we had seen on the island. We swam out to the opening in the water tunnel and had to work pretty hard. I forgot how long of a swim that was from shore and to top it all off, I'm pregnant so, I struggled keeping up with Kate and Scott. Once we found the opening, Scott hung back with Kate and I explored a bit more. I saw some free divers riding the current and before I knew it, even at the surface of the water, I was being pushed out by the current too...quite a ways away! Finally I made it back to the openening and found the biggest sea turtle I've ever seen. He was absolutely massive. I got Scott and Kate's attention and even told the free divers. They told us I should go diving on the west side of the island with the dolphins as apparently they love pregnant women. Anywho, it was a great snorkling trip. Shortly after the turtle sighting, we headed back to shore and home for the evening. Tuesday was our last day in Hawaii. We spent the morning at Turtle Bay and the afternoon, a most perfect afternoon, at my favorite beach- Sunset Beach. The sun was out. Scott was done with work and able to join us. The waves were rolling. The kids were content. Max decided it would be fun to log roll down/ around in the sand. I wish he'd discovered this particular activity sooner. It was so funny to watch. What a goof ball. Patch enjoyed some more boogie boarding. We managed to convince Kate to get in the water and swim out in the waves. That evening we popped over to the food trucks across the way from Shark's Cove (Patrick peeled off to home with Yia yia and Papou) and enjoyed one final meal "out". We watched the sunset and closed another beautiful chapter of family vacationing. On Wednesday we all had separate flight plans. We dropped off my parents, then we dropped off Kate (but not before one last little jaunt along one of the beach parks in Honalulu), and finally we took off. The boys travelled shockingly well. We made it home close to midnight and boom, back to "real" life. Man it was exhausting and I needed a vacation from my vacation but, it was also absolute bliss.

Christmas 2020

This Christmas was delightful! We all have fallen into a good groove now that we're so deep into this whole COVID thing. I'm finding myself being rather content with just staying at home most of the time and having fewer places we are running off to all the time. While I miss social interactions, I'm also much more content to connect virtually with a variety of people and physically with our "COVID bubble" or "COVID pod". Most of the time the pod just contains my parents. Since case numbers spiked as the weather got cooler we've kept that bubble closed except for a few outdoor/masked/distanced interactions. For Christmas we opened up the bubble a bit more and were able to see my parents and my in laws in our home basically all day and unmasked, and Andrea's family briefly, indoors, and masked. It's crazy to think that these are the kinds of qualifications we all need to make these days "have a safe holiday". Even the new Pixar movie "Soul" had a caveat at the end of the credits mentioning how the film was created "distanced" and in the individual artists homes in California. Such strange times. Scott and I had to and chose to forgoe many family traditions this year. One of them is "Christmas tree hunting" in the days just after Thanksgiving. One of the best parts about hunting for a Christmas tree is getting to go sledding with cousins and hang out as a family before and after. Since there was a mandate to not spend any time gathering with anyone outside your household for the two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving we felt that it wouldn't be wise to gather immedately after either. So, we masked up and went to a tree lot nearby. We spent $75 on a tree (typically we spend about $50 on gas and the permit when we tree hunt) and I'll admit, we had the best looking tree we've ever had this year. It was so fragrant and full. Thankfully, the needles seemed "pokey" enought that Maxwell didn't seem too interested in touching it. haha. It lost its needles REALLY easily but it managed to look good until Christmas Day. Everyone's presents came with a sprinkling of pine needles...no joke. But it worked out in the end. Another tradition we often enjoy is caroling and the sing along Messiah. This year Scott made a cool shelf for our PA system to go up in the bed of the truck and carol to people from the car. We used the generator we purchased when our power was out for three days in September and strung up lights around the truck bed even. It was so fun to actually feel good about caroling to people and we had a stinkin blast. No luck on finding a fun version of the sing along Messiah. Besides, in our household we'd only have the baritone and alto parts so that would just sound weird anyway. We spent several evenings this Christmas season driving around looking at Christmas lights all over the valley. Maxwell has grown quite familiar with the phrase "Oook Mama! Pretty Yites". ALLLL the heart eyes!!! We saw a huge variety of light displays- a street full of collaborative neigbors who year after year put out big painted plywood signs telling the story "The Night Before Christmas", a city park, a highly professional 40 minute show spanning 4 properties, and a new favorite "Frosty's Winter Wonderland". Initially I was unimpressed with the display. It seemed like a lot of overkill of those glowing plastic yard displays but a friend pointed out what is special about this one. It's put on by a guy that just collects and stores all these cool lights. It's not fancy. It's not set to music. That is what makes it cool. Patrick said as we were looking at the lights "wow, this must take a lot of power" and I responded with "yeah, his power bill must be pretty high". Scott had to work late that night and when we got home Patrick filled daddy in about the house "Yeah, they had a big power bill". haha. What a hoot. For the last several years we have hosted a party for 4 of our couple friends from our BYU choir days. We typically gather for a dinner and some singing and it's always a good time. This year we gathered virtually and learned about the game "Among Us". Scott and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit and have since been trying to get others to join us. So far, no luck on that. LAME. Good thing Scott got us a Nintendo Switch for Christmas so we can play Mario Cart and Just Dance together. Neither of us have ever been "gamers" and it's taken us too long into this pandemic to realize that we needed more games in our life. All of our Christmas morning traditions were in place- the kids view of the living room/ tree being blocked by a blanket, stockings first, presents opened one by one and handed out going from the youngest to oldest choosing which gifts will be opened. Sweet rolls/ monkey pull apart bread for breakfast. Christmas day was perfect. Topping it all off, we got to see Andrea's family. We had all been vigilant enough and Andrea's family had all been vaccinated so- HURRAY! As we roll into the new year I'm filled with hope about what is on the horizon. Notably- getting serious about nursing school. What?! More on that later :)

My Little Men and our home rhythm

I'm loving this current phase of motherhood. Loving it and being completely exhausted by it at the same time. This is how our day often begins: -I wake up and teach English to kids in China until about 6 AM. Often I go back to sleep. We try to convince Patrick to stay in bed until 7 and between 6:45 and 7:15 Maxwell usually wakes up. -Scott leaves for work at 7:15 and the boys sometimes play with eachother but often wind up in bed with me. I call it snuggle time but often it's just the boys jumping on top of me and demanding that I get up to make breakfast. -I put on a pot of water to boil for coffee and begin making the boys some breakfast. Sometimes I can convince them to eat eggs-that's the healthiest breakfast I can come up with most mornings. The second most healthy breakfast I typically attempt is oatmeal and that seems to be a favorite. Chocolate oatmeal with peanut butter is the oatmeal of choice in our home...though two weeks ago we had bagles frequently and Patch seemed quite fond of them. [I'm realizing as I document all of this that it feels really silly and mundane but, maybe someone will care one day. Maybe my posterity will be grateful to get a glimpse into our every day. Maybe not. Either way, here it is] -After breakfast we typically launch into online school work for Patrick and Max typically bobbles about carrying his teddy bear that he's named "Lolo". Patrick made him originally and named him "Farso" but, "Lolo" is stuck now. Anyway, school lasts all of 20-30 minutes typically while I do dishes/ tidy/ sometimes attempt to get dressed (I'll be real though, often these days I'm in my pajamas/ whatever it was I wore to bed until after lunch. Some days, I wear exercise clothes to bed and tell myself I'm going to work out. When we had Patrick in in person school I worked out every day. Now that he's back at home...yeah...it's happened either SUPER early in the morning or late at night...so the workout clothes to bed is wishful thinking) -Patrick often earns screen time after school and chooses to watch a couple of hours of a TV show (I'm trying to pair this down as I'm reading in most of the parenting books that screen time isn't good for kiddos) and Max goes down for his nap. I often convince Patrick to participate in some tidying, getting dressed, and making his bed before show time happens. He's become a lot more compliant when it comes to housework. I'm learning to show more joy in housework and to insist that he get more involved more often. It's slow progress but he's doing a good job and setting an example for Maxwell. When we're putting laundry away I can ususally tell Max "bring this to your room" and he grabs a small stack of clothes and brings them right back. Cute little butt waddling down the hallway. -Typically show time and nap time last about 2 hours during which time I'm either finishing getting ready, cleaning, or trying to squeeze some work into the middle of the day. If I'm lucky and nap time lasts longer, I squeeze in some "quiet time" with Patrick. I'll continue working while he finds a quiet activity like blocks, drawing, playdough, etc. Sometimes we shorten TV time and put this quiet hour before TV time. Either way, we try to get that additional quiet time in and lately, I've allowed Patrick to hang close to me while he engages in whatever activity. I read in "Heaven on Earth" that kiddos sometimes just crave close proximity to parents and that while there is value in learning to play independently, it's ok to indulge their desire to be nearby so, I've stopped insisting that he have quiet time in his room. I think it's made things a lot more harmonious. -In the late afternoon we'll often begin a project, go on a walk or bike ride, or run an errand or two. These days, the errands I run with the boys are extremely limited. They've gone into the grocery store with me twice since the beginning of the Pandemic. One of those times was when the power was out for 4 days and we needed ice so our food didn't go bad. The other time was when I needed a large quantity of sour cream to make meals for some friends families when they were out of town and the dads were flying solo with their 4 kids. Anywho, we run very few errands and it's mostly in the car to pick up things/ drop off things- bank deposits, grocery pickup, drive through to get food, and dropping items off to donate. -Scott gets home around 6 and plays games with the kids/ encourage tidying up of the living room and their bedrooms while I make dinner and by 7:00 we are getting ready for 7:30 bedtime. -After bed I try to get toys tidied off the floor and dishes out of the sink. I have also spent some time reading my parenting books and lately I've been trying to add in exercise during that time. This is our simple home "rhythm" and it's brought me a lot of peace to slow the crap down over the last few months and not worry so much about leaving the house and doing "things" because...well...we can't and that's a good thing. :)

June 2020

 The summer of 2020 has been one for the books...literally. 

Patrick and I started off June with a Black Lives Matter protest and me clumsily explaining all that is happening with the protests and marches. We met up with McKenna in downtown Salt Lake just as the protest was dissipating (dang it!) but we were there! With our masks and our sign that Patrick made which read "Black Guys Matter". He asked me to write that for him. It's been challenging to help him understand why people want to get rid of Chase from the kid's TV show "Paw Patrol" but I've read and learned that black parents have these kinds of conversations early and often with their children and that it's never too early to start talking about racism. There's this idea that if you acknowledge color you are contributing to the problem or that if they (meaning children) are taught early about racism they will somehow become overtly racist. I see the logic in that to some degree- if Patrick doesn't know that shit is a swear word, he's far less inclined to use it than if he knows it's a bad word and wants to use it to be a pill- HOWEVER, the conversation about racism is pretty different from that. So, I've told Patrick that while many police officers are good people, the way that they're taught how to be police and the rules that they uphold are often racist. Moreover, the system at large is designed to imprison people of color which sounds truly shocking but, all the evidence in the movie "Thirteenth" supports this claim. Anyway, obviously challenging to discuss with a 5 year old whose own general mistrust of the world is already becoming evident through some violent behaviors and emotional volatility. We had been taking him to a therapist who suspects he may suffer from some mild anxiety. What a time to be alive and be a parent.

After the protest we went to a super pretentious local coffee shop (they didn't even have sugar in the shop AT. ALL.) to grab a quick bite and then ventured over to our house for a little visit. Kenna and I sat and chatted for a little while as Patrick played with the neighbor kids before our nanny came over and I launched into some work (I've been doing some loan brokering). Kenna and I have had a few longer visits just us lately and it's been really nice. She JUST moved to New Mexico to finish her college degree  and we will miss her a whole lot.

In June we took a LOT of bike rides...like nightly. We explored all around our neighborhood just us as a family and also with our neighbors. It was delightful. 

Patrick and his little neighbor friends have been getting along swimmingly. 

I continued doing some work learning about racism and how to be anti-racist. Our libraries finally opened up again and I attempted to check out a handful of books on racism and there weren't any available....one of them had over 100 holds! I was so pleased to see that and I find myself wondering when I could carve out time to read. I've struggled since the pandemic began to make time to exercise and work and stay on top of cleaning the house and play with the kids and make good meals and go run errands without the kiddos and I wonder- HOW would I squeak in reading? I know I can use my time better...more on that later.

On June 4th Patrick had a socially distanced pre-school graduation. His teachers stood behind him in masks, he got a prize, and a little certificate. We didn't see any of his friends and I know he misses them as he has mentioned them many times. Sometimes, as he's playing with certain toys that remind him of pre-school, he'll tell me stories about school and his friends or remember things he learns. The same often happens with memories he has from Kathie's. 

On June 5th, we took our first trip to visit with Bonnie and Steve since March. They had one quick socially distant bbq on our front lawn earlier in our pandemic but we hadn't stayed with them since the weekend of March 8th when we went to see Steve perform in Annie and it was the weekend before everyone went on lockdown. It was SO SO SO SO nice to visit with them again. We all felt that we had been cautious and careful enough to be indoors together and I know it's been hard on Bonnie to not see the grandkids so, we took the risk.

A few days later, we decided to try going to the zoo. Scott purchased us zoo passes for Christmas and we hadn't been since the weather was too cold and then we were all quarantining. When some of those restrictions lifted, we decided to give the zoo a try. We didn't wear masks and since it was a rainy day there was nearly NOBODY there. In hindsight, I wish we wore masks even though they weren't requiring them at the time...or if they were requiring them they weren't enforcing it and I thought we were safe because everything was outside. Pandemic Michelle of today would be much more careful about that and would wear masks. We didn't make it very long at the zoo because the weather was actually quite cool and the rain was making things rather unpleasant so, we packed it up and headed home. Yia yia came with us though so, we didn't leave without her spoiling Patch and purchasing a cute new umbrella for him which had eyes and a tail to make it look like an animal. When we got home and for several days after that Patrick enjoyed using it to play "Mary Poppins". Sweet boy. Patch reinacted some of the scenes he could remember and I got several of them on film. Adorable.

On June 11th, we took a hike with our neighbor Whitney and her two kiddos. We enjoyed plenty of snacks along the way and got up to a lovely little pond. The week before I made it a goal to go hiking once a week until the start of school. I made it like 5 weeks and got distracted as of late but we have still had LOTS of outdoor adventures.

On June 14th we had a socially distant dinner at Bonnie and Steve's house again. This time Stephanie and family joined us, all masked and outdoors, for about an hour. They left before food was served. We ate in a large circle 6 feet apart, masked up, and got closer to visit again. These are crazy times and we tried to see each other while still being safe. What a world.

On June 15th I went with Mary and Monique to be the "hype girl" for Monique's curbside concert for Salty Dinner Theater season ticket holders. It was our fist concert in an attempt to bring a little bit of theater to our patrons who would otherwise be coming to see our summer show. Since most performances have been cancelled as the virus rages, we are doing what we can to support our people and still get out to perform. It was very fun and I surprised myself by landing a split at the end of all my crazy hype girl dancing.

On June 18th I launched into a project to fix the boy's bathroom toilet. As I was part way through the project, I discover that I do not have the parts I need, I head to Home Depot, I find an employee and she, with lots of "you got this" type of encouragement, told me that all I needed was a simple gasket. Thanks Home Depot lady. I went home and fixed it. I launched into another toilet project tonight where I attempted to install a cloth diaper sprayer hose. Patrick looked at all the tools and supplies and asked "are you doing that thing where there's lots of stuff on the counter for a while again". I stopped in my tracks and decided to let Scott take care of it. haha.

That evening I got dressed up for another curbside concert and this time I got to wear a dress I had purchased from Savers for our girls cruise that got cancelled. I was tickled to be able to get dressed up....like REALLY dressed up for something. I even did my hair all fancy and wore my glitzy hair comb. 

On June 21st, we had a Father's Day dinner at my parents house with Scott's parents and paid a quick visit to Scott's Grandma Moore. This was our second visit with her since the pandemic began. For the first we sat on her driveway in chairs 6 feet apart. For this second, we sat on her back patio and most of the time took turns chasing after our children while Steve visited with his mom. It was pleasant but REALLY toasty and I forgot to bring something with sleeves to wear over my tank top. I wanted to be ultra respectful of Grandma Jean and my in laws and be sure to adhere more closely to their modesty guidelines. While I know they wouldn't say anything judgmental about my sleeveless shirt, I just wanted to be respectful so I ROASTED in my sweater. Woops!

On June 22nd a restoration and repair company paid us a visit because our leaky toilet (that I had launched into fixing AFTER a giant leak happened) had flooded the basement bathroom and lots of drywall needed replacing. Btw, it's now mid August and they STILL HAVENT FINISHED. Annoying. Anywho, our poor tenants had to deal with fans running constantly for days but luckily they appeared to be busy and out of town for a portion of that. Phew.

Thanks to staying home and slowing things down a bit this summer, we've had a morning tradition of cuddle time in bed. The boys wake up and we generally stay there a while snuggling and wrestling and such. On the morning of June 26th Patrick somehow convinced me to let him do my hair. It felt surprisingly good and I even let him spray some "spray stuff" in my hair (vanilla body spray actually along with some dry shampoo...it was a disaster but also, it still felt really good).

On June 29th, I ordered myself an at home COVID test so that I could ensure I was COVID negative in preparation to spend time with Mary and Dan for Clarke's birthday/ pool party at our house. After some convincing, I was able to get Scott to go take a test as well and we all felt good about getting together. It was so strange to feel "normal" for a minute and see my dearest friends whom I've hardly seen (save for the occasional meeting for our theater company- more on that later as well!) and I've not been able to play with their kiddos AT ALL so, it was amazing. 

On June 30th I fixed the face of a drawer that kept flipping forward (the hardware that allowed it to come forward for the sake of one of those pull out cutting boards busted) soooo while Scott plans to create a much more permanent and nicer version of this and two other busted drawers, I took matters into my own hands and screwed the one face on bypassing the busted hardware and double stick tapped the other two. Gotta do what you gotta do. I was exceedingly proud of myself.

K. That was June. June was good but June was also weird. I'm getting used to things feeling weird and good. 

Musings on Motherhood

Musings 

My hands sting under the running water

It's hot

It helps cut down on the grease and grime

The sting feels a little bit good and a little bit bad.

Motherhood stings the same way

We plunge our hands into the work

It's hard

It helps to know when to step in and when to step back

The sting of motherhood is watching them grow.

It feels a little bit good and a little bit bad.

The Corona Virus Pandemic

I won't pretend to understand the scientific elements of contagion or global pandemics. I know something about biology (thanks to my almost otherwise useless degree in exercise science) and even had an argument the other day with Patrick about science. Again, I was able to tell him that I am in fact a scientist and that I studied science in college. Still, I know about as much as the average Jo about the current pandemic. Here's been our family experience-

In December there was an outbreak of a new virus in China. The virus spread quickly and was particularly deadly to elderly populations. The symptoms were a high fever that lasted quite a while and some respiratory issues...along with a few other variable symptoms. Things seemed to carry on as normal until just after Chinese New Year when most of my students remained home and did not return to school. The country appeared to be on lock down to try to prevent the spread of this virus.

I've continued to teach my students but remained perplexed why everything was shutting down when it seemed like healthy adults and children were not at risk. Additional countries began experiencing the infection and after some cruises had outbreaks and some US citizens were diagnosed, now we're all practicing "social distancing" and in many cases, self quarantines in our homes.

For several weeks the stores have been running out of toilet paper and water. It's puzzling why people are rushing off to stock up on these items when the quarantine doesn't mean you're not able to get TP. If everyone cooled off on that, you could still get TP delivered through grocery delivery services but the problem is now, there's no TP to be found. It's wild.

I suppose people are worried that all services might stop- mail delivery and restaurants. It might not be that far fetched actually given that most of the schools are shutting down for the next two weeks along with the cancellation of many performances, athletic events, and other social gatherings. The Salt Lake County library system has shut down for the rest of the month (I have books due soon so...I wonder how I'm supposed to get those back). The governor has requested that we not host or attend any events or gatherings with more than 100 people. Thus, my auditions for Matilda were cancelled until further notice and Patrick's preschool will stop for the next two weeks too. Scott will still be going into work and production people are still planning to go in. All office and administrative type people will be working from home. Many companies are having their employees work from home. I have 3 friends who were accepted to and just began the Disney College Program who are being sent home because Disney Land and Disney World have both closed until further notice!!! The NBA has called off March Madness. It's interesting to ponder the potential economic impact of this virus. We shall see what the coming days and weeks and possibly months bring.

Me and my girlfriends did stock up on some food to make freezer meals. I feel guilty about it now because we didn't NEED those items right now. We essentially "took" them from others that may have needed to purchase them for this week's groceries. We do have a bunch of food in our freezer now. My family will not be going hungry or going to the store for the next while. I've offered to help anyone in my social circle who may be struggling so, maybe someone will take me up on it and I can deliver a freezer meal to someone who needs it. oy. This shiz is cray.

In the meantime, this extrovert is going to have to get creative in order to not lose my mind being trapped at home so much. Wish us luck....although, this blog is for my posterity so, you'll be reading this long after the event so...I hope you're on the edge of your seat reading this! I'll let you know what happens next. haha.