Crash

On Thursday morning, January 5th, 2017, I got one of the most terrifying calls you can possibly get. A call came in from Scott and on the other line there was commotion and lots of frantic talking. The woman on the other end of the line realized I was there and said, "Michelle, your husband has been in an accident. He's been hit by a car. We're trying to keep him warm" and I start freaking out. I say "Is he ok?" and her response is "We're not sure." I freak out some more. She tries to comfort me saying "he's talking and he knows who he is and where he is" meanwhile I'm panicking. "He'll be ok" she tells me. "Calm down" she tells me. "Don't cry" she tells me. Lady, don't tell me how to feel. Tell me how my husband is doing. Tell me what has happened. Eventually I calm down and she tells me more details.
Meanwhile, I had taken my new car to be re-detailed. I'm sitting at my office without a way to get to my husband who is being rushed to the ER in an ambulance. I call Honda and let them know what's happened. I'm bounced around from the service to the sales and back to the service departments. Finally someone tells me that they can send the shuttle back to me. About an hour later, I get a call that they're bringing my car to me instead, mid detail. OK JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE. I DON'T CARE HOW I GET THERE JUST GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL. Anyway, they finally arrive, I grab my car and rush out to be with Scott. I got there around noon and he was not in his room. They'd taken him for a CT scan. I decide to walk down the hall and was captivated by some artwork that appeared to be made from recycled hospital materials (tube caps or something). A few minutes later I hear my husband's voice say something like "hey lady, I know you". We head back to his room and wait for more information.
My initial reaction, upon hearing what had happened was of course to find out if Scott was OK. Once we confirmed that I started questioning the severity of his condition. Did he need an ambulance ride? What hospital were they taking him to? Is it covered by our insurance? I'm in finance. Of course I'm thinking of the financial impact of this accident. I make some calls and get the logistics worked out and stop freaking out about how we're going to pay for this. Luckily, my health insurance had JUST kicked in for my new job. JUST BARELY. The important thing is that he's alive, I tell myself, and we'll figure the rest out as we go along.
All the while I'm wondering how I'm supposed to feel. Am I supposed to be the dutiful wife that drops everything and stays by his side every moment? Do I leave Patrick to be cared for by other people? Or is that the sort of behavior of someone who's situation is worse than mine? Do I take the next week off of work for family medical leave or do I make it work and help Scott learn what the new normal is for a while? How am I supposed to feel? Everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing. Here's the honest truth. I'm sad. Scott's knee will literally never be the same. He may never regain his full range of motion. There could be complications down the line. He could develop premature arthritic conditions. He may never feel comfortable kneeling down on the floor to play with kiddos again. He will endure months of therapy and checkup visits.  We are trying to have another baby and this is slowing down that process, for sure. Scott will be out of work for 3 weeks and that's going to be rough on all of us. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of what is to come.