October

October 4^th: I convinced my parents to join me up at Silver Lake to walk around the water, enjoy the fall colors, and snap a few pictures of me and my (current) favorite little man. Pretty soon, I’ll have two little men and won’t be able to play favorites. We had just missed the big rush of beautiful colors. It was already too cold up there for many of the fall leaves but, we still did see some incredible color on the way up. As we walked around the lake, we could all see that a storm was coming in but we were hopeful that we could finish the short walk before the rain came. About half way around the lake, the sprinkling started and then, as we were pulling out and driving away the pouring rain came. It was fun nevertheless and we decided to grab dinner together at a restaurant called Bandits Grill. My mom and I split a Mexican style salad and that thing was delicious. I think I need to go get another one tonight!

October 5^th: I started hearing buzz online from lots of LDS friends about a name change happening for the MoTab choir. They are now The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square. Lots of friends (many of whom are in the choir) were posting things like #TabCaTS…oh boy. President Nielsen is trying to move away from the name “Mormon”…like several have done before him. We’ll see if this name change sticks. For a few years and after church sponsored websites like Mormon.org and the “I’m a Mormon” campaign, I thought they had officially embraced the nickname. Not so apparently.

October 6^th: We took advantage of General Conference Weekend and knowing that Bonnie and Steve would be available and spent the weekend with them. I brought up a sewing project, we scheduled a double date with Jeff and Stephanie, and had some solid family time. Bonnie was sweet and, knowing that we were coming, she swept her leaves into a pile in the backyard for Patrick. We had a lovely time and I made some serious progress on my Handmaids Tale costume for Halloween J

October 8^th: Columbus Day or, as some have rebranded it Indigenous Peoples’ Day, I spent with my parents and Patrick in Alpine. My mom and I continued to work on my dress (sewing up parts of it and ripping out seams at least 3 times…I’m new to dresses). In the afternoon, we took Patch to the Museum of Curiosity at Thanksgiving Point. I had been there with him and Scott when he was a little over a year old. This time was completely different. He loves it there, I can tell. He wanted me to climb in the giant play place with him. With my 36 weeks pregnant belly and loose/ sore joints I struggled to navigate around but, watching his little face as he showed me around was too precious to miss so, I suffered through it. We also wandered through “Kidopolous” where Patch found the music recording studio. They have computers set up to percussion instruments and you select the instrument and what beat you want it to play on to make cool rhythms. Patrick had a blast making noise. I’m going to say that it’s because he is destined to love music as much as his parents…not just because he’s a 3.5 year old boy. J

October 11^th: We really upped our Halloween décor this year. Scott and Patch installed a giant rope spider web off of the side of the house that extends across the garden this year. I purchased a giant spider to go on top of it and Patch was enthralled with the whole thing. He’s oddly obsessed with all the spooky things surrounding Halloween and doesn’t seem too scared when it comes to the Halloween books we read him that month. Good for him I guess.

October 12^th: Patch and I attended a group baby shower with my neighborhood mom friends. There were 4 of us who had our first babies all around the same time and we hung out pretty regularly when the babies were under a year old. I had Patch, Olyvia had Frasier, Sue had Molly, and Julia had Emmett. Shortly thereafter, Miriam had her baby boy and after that Aubri Sain had her 3^rd. So, all of our babies were in nursery at church at about the same time. Of the 6 of us, 5 were pregnant again so, Julia threw us a baby shower. Aubri is on her 4^th, Olyvia is on her 3^rd, and the rest of us are on our second. Anyway, it was such a fun shower at Wheeler Historic Farm. Julia made the cutest box lunches for each of the moms and kids. We lucked out and got some lovely weather. The sun was shining and the kids had a blast playing together on the jungle gym. When we were all done eating, we went over to explore the farm and look at the animals. The kids were great and it was madness watching all these toddlers doing their thing.  At the end of our little gathering I managed to convince all the ladies to come help me unload Sue’s new Purple mattress from Scott’s truck into her little sedan. By some miracle, 3 pregnant ladies and Julia were able to do it. Olyvia held Julia’s little baby and the rest of the kids roamed around inside the cab of Scotts truck…a dangerous prospect. It worked out J miraculously, we loaded the mattress and were all SO PROUD of ourselves. I brought Patch home, put him down for a nap, and mom and I continued working on that Handmaids Tale dress while watching the show. It was a lovely day.

That evening, we decided to go to Get Air and play at the “bouncy place” as Patch calls it. I couldn’t really participate but found myself doing just a bit of jumping and chasing after Patrick. Patch had a late nap so, it worked out well to run over to a place where we could expend some energy and stay up a little later than usual. Patch and Scott both seemed to have a good time.

October 14^th: We did a Sunday hike up Millcreek canyon. Since we stopped attending church, we figured that trying to get up in the mountains every Sunday as a family would be a good idea. It’s a way for us to still have family time together while also feeling close to God.

October 16^th: I attended one of the first performances of Jekyll and Hyde for Salty Dinner Theater and reviewed it for them for Front Row Reviewers. It was such a fun show! The comedy was great and my girl Kassandra tore it up. She was so fun to watch. Before the show started, Scott and I had dinner at the restaurant with Patch so we could spend some time together. We ordered him macaroni and cheese but it came in these breaded and fried little pockets….weird!!! My dinner and icecream was delicious J

October 18^th: my hernia changed colors ever so slightly and there was some localized heat coming off my skin. Fearing infection, I headed to the ER to get checked out. (As I’m writing this, it’s Nov. 30^th and I still have not seen a bill *gulp*). They hooked me up to some monitors and listened to the baby’s heartbeat. The doctor told me that since it’s not an intestinal obtrusion, we shouldn’t be worried. He told me what to look out for and what it would look like if it were to get serious and, I was on my way home.

October 20^th: The annual Pumpkin Walk up in Logan was delightful. I managed to make Patrick’s spider costume (and convince him to settle on being a spider in the first place) just in time for dinner and then the walk. The cousins came over and had a fun time playing in those same leaves in Bonnie’s yard. Even Grandma Gene was down in the leaves playing. (It was my idea to invite her :D and she rode up with my parents). We met up with Mark and Sue (part of that mom-friends group who had the shower just a couple of weeks before) at the pumpkin walk and had a good time visiting with them and looking at the displays. I was confused as to what the theme was this year but I was still impressed by a number of displays.  One in particular was done by a ward that had something like 19 missionaries out. They created a display of all the different places their missionaries are serving and I was just impressed that ONE ward had produced so very many missionaries serving at one time! I dressed as a bumble bee since I wasn’t confident that people in Logan would understand my Handmaids costume. I also brought my facepaints and threw some paint on a few of the cousins last minute. That was pretty fun.

October 26^th: My parents were back in Tahoe checking on their property there so, I was “working” from home and spending time with Patch. I convinced Mary to join me a Jump Around Utah with her kiddos and Patch. They love that place. Patrick usually plays really well with Mary’s kids and I was able to answer a few emails and phone calls since Patch was occupied. That evening we had dinner at Andrea and Gary’s and they looked after Patch for us while we attended Matt and Sarah’s annual Halloween party. We brought dinner ingredients and since Gary is trying to do a modified Keto diet, I was trying to be careful to provide him with a tasty meal that met those requirements. I decided to make nasi goreng and Andrea made fun of me saying that the next time we cooked over there, we should choose food that had like 5 ingredients. Haha. At Matt and Sarah’s party, there was a costume contest and karaoke and, shockingly, Scott and I only got like 3 votes for our Handmaid’s costume (Scott dressed as the driver). Booo. Oh well, we still had a lovely time at the party and….side note…. boy can parents in their 30’s have a wild time if they want to when their kids aren’t around.

October 27^th: I finally buckled down and made my jalapeno jelly. We harvested the garden completely weeks before that and my jalapenos were starting to look a little wilty so, I made it happen! That night, I got roped into performing at a Halloween party as one of the Sanderson sisters along with Alisha and Jaime Haderlie (some Salty Dinner Theater friends). We made some dollars and ate some delicious food. Aside from that, I was just amazed at the party host’s home. She, dressed as cat woman, gave a guided tour of the house and it was seriously impressive. People who have a lot of money often seem to do strange things with their homes but, there were some really cool things too like a door directly from her pantry to the garage for easy unloading of groceries. How brilliant!

October 31^st: Halloween! I made Patrick some orange colored oatmeal for breakfast complete with a face made out of chocolate chips. I made myself a quick costume to wear to work and since all of my coworkers decided to wear pajamas and right now I just sleep in an oversized shirt and undies, I decided to dress as Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s- complete with tassle earings (instead of earplugs with tassles on them) that I just cut right off of my honor chords from high school graduation. Hehe. We trick or treated that night in Dan and Mary’s neighborhood with the kids and they had a great time. Patrick kept wanting to hold Scarlett’s hand and my mama heart just burst. I was getting attention for my costume (finally) and more people seemed to appreciate it that night. Mary made chili for dinner (very tasty and spicy chili that she was convinced was not spicy) and once we got the kids sleeping, we watched Psycho…a classic from Mary and Dan’s teen years when Scott and I were probably a liiiiiiittle young to have seen it.

Twas a wonderful October. Now, as I mentioned before, it’s already November 30^th as I’m writing this so, I will just plow on through and catch up on November happenings.

September

September 1: Swiss Days festival. That was the major thing we did that day. It was neat to go there- I'd been wanting to see it for years now but let me tell you...it was disappointing! There weren't nearly as many handicrafts as I was expecting. There were lots of cool products and many interesting handicrafts, don't get me wrong, but there were also lots of imported products that were very clearly NOT handmade...and also clearly not at all "Swiss". Whatever, it was still fun to wander around and shop with my honey.

September 2: We left the cabin in Park City and headed home fairly early in the AM. That afternoon, we picked lots of peaches off of my mom's peach tree and started processing them for peach jam. My mom and I started preparing them for jam by blanching them on Friday but we really got cooking on Sunday.

September 3rd: we somehow roped my parents and Scott's parents into some yard/ home improvement projects. My dad sanded and painted our picnic table and Steve, Scott, and my dad later set up the swingset that we scored from Shadowbrook (the townhouse community where my parent's lived in Provo). It was quite the project. I focused my work on the inside of the house. I looked after Patrick whenever he was inside, provided cucumber sandwiches, a fresh caprese salad, and cantaloupe for lunch. That evening, Andrea and Gary joined us for burgers. We had ALLLLLL the fixings. I pulled out the pina colada mix from a baby shower I threw several months back (I created a "momosa" bar for that party) and we had lots of tasty fixings for our burgers.

September 4th: My glucose test/ gestational diabetes test. I passed.

September 7th: A quick solo trip to Park City to review "Oliver" the musical. Twas lovely. I intended to bring Patch but, found out days before that the theater's minimum suggested age is 6.

September 8th: The Greek Festival with the "rents"...yia yia and papou...was a blast. My mom was hopeful that there would be some group Greek dancing but, alas, there was not. I warned her that the event was mostly about the food and watching traditional Greek dances being performed by different folk dance groups in the area. She was hopeful that there would be some group dancing. I was right after all but, we did all enjoy the food immensely. During dinner, Patch needed to use the potty so, we got up to take care of business. He bolted through the crowds and ran into the building nearly out of sight. He is a quick one!!! I was able to catch up to him, we used the potty, saw some lady leave without washing her hands, and then we got outta there. As we were passing through the gymnasium (set up with a few vendors selling art, jewelry, and nick knacks) I ran into a coworker from US Bank (Ann Fortney). We visited for a moment and Patrick managed to entertain himself and squirrel around where we were standing and talking. Pretty soon he lost patience and I could tell that he was in the mood to bolt again so, we said goodbye and dashed back to the dinner table.  We wandered through the carnival area after dinner and looked at the face painting booth, the rides, and balloon animals. Patch decided he wanted a balloon shaped like an airplane so, we indulged him. After that, I ran into a client (someone who owns a cryotherapy facility in town...very cool business) and we chatted for a quick minute before we all dashed out.

September 9th: The Utah State Fair. We spent the first part of our day exploring the Utah State Fair. We got there basically right when it opened and stopped in the art/handicraft/ cooking competition space to check out all the cool stuff people make. There are costumes, paintings, quilts, bags, jars of salsa, cookies, pies, and on and on and on! Patrick was not too enamored with all of that so, we exited quickly and started walking through all the animals. There was a haunted house set up close to the animal stable things so, we sat in front of that for a moment before Patch decided that he was too nervous and we carried on. We intended to get some tickets and ride some rides but holy buckets the tickets were expensive. There would be many rides that Patrick was too small for and most of the rides I couldn't do anyway due to being pregnant so, we just purchased enough tickets for Patch to do one ride. I think he was a bit disappointed but man, our options seemed limited and it didn't seem worth it! The cheapest ride was like $4 and it was hardly different than one they have at Jungle Gyms in Midvale...and that place has a $2 Tuesday deal where you get in and ride everything for just $2!!! We grabbed some lunch while we were there and determined that we were going to catch the circus before leaving at around 3. We didn't realize that the circus had limited seating and that you were supposed to wait in line for tickets beforehand. There was a standby line when we got there! SO SAD and a total bust. We still had a good time it just wasn't the great time we were hoping for. We dashed down to Alpine for a family dinner that we committed to be at and thought we might come back for the later circus but, I knew deep down inside we wouldn't make it back. Perhaps next year :)

September 14th-17th: A delightful camping trip to Flaming Gorge. The Adams family traveled to Flaming Gorge the week before us and recommended a camp site called "Rocky Ridge Outpost" so, we gave it a go and MAN was it absolute perfection. Scott planned the meals and did all the shopping for the weekend. He made our meal plan SUPER simple which was refreshing. Sometimes when we go camping, our set up and clean up of meals seems to take us from one meal to the next. This time (and for our family camp in Idaho) we kept it simple yet still delicious. The camp site was equipped with every kind of accommodation you could want...except 5 star hotel accommodations. lol.  There was a tent camping area, a tee pee, a yurt, a one room cabin (basically just a bed), a cabin with a bathroom and kitchenette, and a full cabin with multiple rooms, full kitchen, and bathroom. There was a pavilion with outlets, a grill, and two camp chef type stoves...no running water there though which seems like an oversight to me. There was a jungle gym for kiddos. And last but not least, plenty of wild rabbits hopping around everywhere. For those without bathrooms, there were two bathroom/ shower rooms that were quite lovely and clean. There was a fishing pond and petting zoo. I mean, come on!!! This place was awesome! I could not believe. We paid like $20/ night to camp there and it was worth every penny.

On Saturday, we had a lovely breakfast, packed up some sandwiches and snacks, and headed down to rent a speed boat for the day. My parents joined us for the trip and treated us to the rental as a happy birthday present to me. We rented a large float to tow behind the boat and did nothing but enjoy the lake all day. It was bliss. Literally the perfect way to spend a late summer day and my favorite way to celebrate my birthday- family, food, and a body of water. Patrick enjoyed the tubing and even though it was tricky to maneuver my pregnant body on the raft, I managed to have a really fun time. My dad drove the boat around all day and it was like going back in time to our days in Discovery Bay. We stopped for lunch in a cove and jumped into the water. It was cold but since the weather was hot enough, it still felt refreshing. When we were all tired of riding on the tube, we decided to explore the gorge a bit and just sit back in the boat. Suddenly, Patrick announced that he needed to go potty...the poop kind...and being that we were pretty deep into the gorge without a bathroom in sight...Scott decided to try to get him to go on some rocks. It took a while to convince Patch that it would work. I mean, imagine that you've barely learned to use the potty (within the last few months) and now you have to poop in the wilderness on some rocks. It was hilarious and quite time consuming. haha. Shortly after that we turned around and headed back to the dock to return the boat and return to camp.

On Sunday we packed up our things and headed home but not before stopping to catch a quick glimpse of the salmon run and the beautiful fall colors in the mountains. Wow. Some amazing sights.

September 19th: My 29th birthday. For the last few years I've made it a habit to run around town collecting all of my birthday freebies. This year, I took advantage of a discount at Build A Bear and brought Patrick along for the fun. Let's be honest...it was really for him. Yia yia joined us and helped pick out some accessories for "baby brother bear" that Patch named "Farso". Scott captured a recording of Maxwell's heartbeat at our 20 week anatomy scan ultrasound so we were able to put that recording into the paw of the bear. Patrick loved the experience and I loved watching him be so tender with "baby brother bear". Then we headed over to Gardner Village to do a little bit of shopping and meet up with dad and Scott for dinner at Archibald's. Patrick brought the bear with him and dinner was lovely.

September 23rd: Patrick and I went hiking solo and enjoyed some remnants of the pretty fall colors. I packed some lunch for us and we ate alongside a little creek. Patrick decided it would be fun to strip naked and play in the water. I was surprised he lasted as long as he did in the water as it was quite cold.

September 24th: Another birthday freebie outing. Scott and I took Patch to Coldstone Creamery for my free "like it" sized birthday ice cream. I really am a sucker for a good deal and if it's a freebie?! forget about it- I'M THERE!

September 26th: Scott and I got to enjoy our first Pioneer Theater Company performance. His birthday present to me was season tickets. "Oslo" was a very interesting play but I quickly learned that I'll need to try to catch a cat nap before future performances as I'm not much of a night owl these days- waking early to teach English plus being pregnant = a VERY tired Michelle by about 9 PM. haha.

September 28th: Mama and I went to see a new movie "Crazy Rich Asians" at the fancy theater in Thanksgiving Point. We both liked the film although the main girl's acting was kind of "meh" to me.

September 30th: Waitress the Musical. What a dream! I hadn't seen a professional musical in quite some time and Waitress was amazing. Scott even suggested that I wait at the stage door and meet some of the actors. What a good man. LOVED the show, love the music, loved the acting. LOVED EVERYTHING. Scott's biggest criticism of the show was that the male characters were all "caricatures" where I would say...that's probably the point! This is a musical about women, one woman in particular, and HER story. He also didn't like the "happy ending". I would argue that *spoiler alert* since she didn't wind up with the fairy tale romance or a trip to the fair where she won first prize in the pie contest (both themes and goals of the character through the show) it wasn't a happy ending. She doesn't go to the fair and she doesn't compete for the prize. She doesn't get the guy. She does, however, wind up inheriting a really lovely diner from a man she chose to be kind to. Seems like karma doing her thing.

On to October now. 

August

August 1: Purple hosted a private event at Boondocks and we had a blast!!! They had free dinner for everyone and gave each family $20 to spend on the arcade games. We went on the bumper boats and Patrick jumped on the inflatables they had outside. He also explored a little jungle gym area they had and it was awesome. While we were eating dinner, we ran into one of our old home teachers who had recently moved and had a baby. Scott found out that he was working for Purple shortly after Scott joined the company so, that was a really fun coincidence. 

August 3: My parents hosted a pool party and invited the Derr family and the Brassard family to join us for a potluck dinner. We did go swimming, ate delicious food, and the kids put on a little play for everyone (no surprise given who these children are being raised by...a bunch of actors/ performers). Maddie and Eva were still in town so, they happily participated also. Not sure where their interest in performing comes from- Melissa enjoys singing and music so, perhaps from their mother. It was a short party as everyone wanted to get home and get their kiddos to bed on a work night/ school night but, a lovely time nevertheless. 

August 4th: Mary hosted a backyard party for her kiddos complete with pony and a petting zoo. Patrick was pretty enamored by the little lamb on a leash that he could walk around with but he also took a pretty strong liking to riding the ponies. This was the 3rd time he's ridden a pony and this time he seemed to enjoy it the very most. I was particularly proud of the gifts I purchased for Scarlet and Lucy- little girl shoes with tiny tiny heels :) There was a girl in primary in our ward that always wore shoes like that and I LOVED them. So did Scarlet and Lucy. Hurray! The party ended with a pinata full of candy (of course) and it was terrifying to watch a bunch of 3, 4, and 5 year olds swinging a large stick around.

August 5th: Zach's (Scott and Shelti's son) birthday party at Jump Around Utah. Mary introduced me to this place back in May and we bought a punch pass immediately because it was so dang fun. There are lots of inflatables and a large inflatable pillow shaped trampoline thing in the middle. The cost is $5 for unlimited play- YES PLEASE- and adults are included. That's the best deal for a bouncy place in town! Patrick managed to convince me to play in the little play structure quite a bit :) That afternoon we drove up to Logan to spend some time with Bonnie. She was feeling pretty down about some problems with her eye so Kenna, Scott, and I arranged to go to her house and make dinner. Steph and her family joined us also. It was a lovely evening and I think we brightened Bonnie's spirits. Patrick enjoyed helping harvest and shuck some corn and LOVED feeding the husks to the horses.

August 6th: We joined Kathie (Patrick's awesome nanny) and her family up Millcreek Canyon for what they call "Millcreek Monday". Someone brought "Speak Out" and we had some fun playing that game again. Scott and I took Patrick for a short hike around our day camp (Patrick and I had previously explored it when we went up for Millcreek Monday but accidentally missed everyone).

On August 9th I spent some time in Alpine with my nieces. I happened to bring all of my makeup and the girls remembered that I had promised them makeovers during our sleepover a few weeks back but we didn't have time. They reminded me and that day, we did have time! 

August 11th: I spent the afternoon with the girls by myself. We went to purchase face paint- I had been wanting some good stuff anyway- and stopped by the "Puppy Barn" to pet some adorable puppies. Maddie and Eva were enthralled with the pups and I enjoyed them too. That night we headed out for a camping adventure up American Fork Canyon with just us and the girls. There were some pretty intense fires all summer long all throughout British Columbia, California, and Utah. We were hoping to escape all of the smoke and we were also hoping that, in spite of not booking a site in advance, we would find something utterly last minute...and we did! We pitched our tent just before dark. The girls were pretty jazzed to be camping and Patrick always loves it. We had some fun adventures- the girls hadn't peed in the wilderness without their mom ever so, they were a little nervous to do it my way- squatting over rocks or logs rather than being held by the legs but we got through it. Maddie and Eva were super excited to be there, we could tell. Once our tent was pitched, we made smoores and got ready for bed. Everyone slept in and Scott and I made a breakfast casserole. Maddison fussed about the casserole quite a bit but the rest of us gobbled it up happily :) Good thing we were prepared with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Maddie.  After breakfast, we cleaned up camp. I had to motivate the girls to contribute by bribing the person who picked up the most pieces of trash with an ice cream just for them. That got the girls moving! Once camp was cleaned up, we took a few minutes to go shoot Scott's pellet gun and then headed home.

August 15th: I headed to Calgary, Alberta for a dear friend and former roommate's wedding. Erin was one of my bridesmaids and I knew I would do everything I could to be at her wedding and, I even flew out early to be there for her bachelorette party which, if I'm being honest, was more like a slightly naughty bridal shower. Erin picked me up from the airport. I explained on the way to her home that I would not be attending the sealing. I had brushed off the invitation via text a few times but felt the need to explain in person. She took it well and we continued to have fun catching up.  Danielle, another of my bridesmaids and dear Canadian friends/ former roommate met up with me at the shower and then took me home to her house to sleep. She hosted me for a few days and her family really spoiled me. We had such a fun time together.

August 16th: Danielle's birthday and fun around Calgary. Danielle and I wandered the city and met up with her family for lunch to celebrate her birthday. That morning she took me to a drug store so I could grab some prenatal vitamins (I forgot to bring mine) and she made some suggestions of Canadian chocolate we should pick up. We ate a few candy bars on the metro...I won't lie. Lunch was DIVINE and I can't remember what ethnicity of food we ate but it was truly delicious...maybe it was Hungarian? After, Danielle's grandma treated us all to ice cream at a place called "Licks"...quite the name! That evening, Danielle and I got pedicures- super relaxing. I paid for hers as her birthday present. She quickly ran off for dinner with her aunt and I stayed at home with her sister in law and their little baby.

August 17th: Erin's wedding! We dressed and left Calgary for Cardston rather early. Most sealings seem to take place in the morning. As we arrived, we happened to catch Erin filming her "first look" video with her soon to be husband, Scott. We gushed from afar and then called out to her to wave like little groupies. She came over and gave us a hug. Danielle and I ran to Subway to grab her some food and then she dashed in for the sealing. I stayed outside and brought my computer to try and do some work. I figured I would go to a coffee shop or something but, Cardston has NOTHING- no coffee shops or book stores or any of your typical "free wi-fi" hangout spots so, I went back to the temple grounds and connected to the church wireless network inside the adjacent chapel. 

A note on my feelings after taking a step away from the LDS church. Scott encouraged me to write about this as I did struggle a bunch on the 17th with our decision to leave the church. Back in May, my family took my Grandma Warren's name through the temple and sealed her to my Grandpa Warren. They did this on one of the last days of my girls trip cruise to Mexico. I felt sad that I wasn't going to be there but since I was gone and distracted by the trip, I didn't have to look that decision in the face. At Erin's wedding, I was staring that decision in the face...right in the eyes actually. Sitting in a classroom, connecting to the internet to "get some work done", but truly crying my eyes out because I was truly feeling the loss of the church in my life...not necessarily the gospel but definitely the church. The comfort of the familiar. The tradition. The community. It was the first time I was faced with what I was leaving "behind" so to speak. I cried sitting there and called Scott. I didn't question the decision, I was merely mourning the loss of something that was once, and in many ways still is, so special to me.

So, I got to work checking emails and things for a bit and then got a text from Danielle that the sealing was over and that everyone was heading out. I was there to greet Erin outside the temple and join them, the bridal party, and the family for pictures. I wasn't certain Erin was going to have bridesmaids and when I got there and found out that she did, I was a little hurt. I won't lie. However, I later found out that they were all cousins and two sisters so, I got over myself and had a great time. That evening, there was a BBQ in Waterton National Park- the Canadian side of Glacier National Park and it was SO LOVELY...in spite of all the smoke coming from the fires in BC. Danielle and I had some time to kill after the wedding and before the BBQ/ Dinner/ Reception thing so, we went to the park early and explored a bit. Danielle suggested that we check out the Prince of Whales hotel. We stopped by, changed into more casual clothes (we're talking denim here) and had high tea overlooking the lake and some pretty majestic mountains. There was a pianist playing live music and I was thinking- OMG my mother would love this! and, I have to bring Scott here! It was delightful.

When it came time for dinner, we drove down into Waterton...the little town...and made our way to the party. They had hired a food truck to be on site and serve everyone burgers and fries. There were lots of craft sodas, along with Erin's fave, Diet Coke and some of their favorite snacks (popcorn and hot cheetos) We had a lovely time. I visited with Natalie's parents (another of our roommates) and met some of the important people in Scott and Erin's life. I'm usually fairly comfortable at a party where I don't know anyone and can strike up conversation. This is exhausting to an introvert like Danielle. She literally needed to pop over to the car to take a nap. I don't blame her...I'm exhausting. :) We sent Erin on her way that evening and made the long drive back to Calgary...listening to Spotify and jamming to Brittney Spears and the like all the way.

August 18: Danielle and I ventured into Banff. It was SO smokey we could hardly see the towering mountains that stand thousands of feet taller than the tallest peaks along the Wasatch front. I was so bummed but, the smoke did lend to a majestic sort of appearance to where one might actually believe they were hiking in the clouds. I was proud of myself because Danielle and I did a full hike to a waterfall...me huffing and puffing and stopping to drink lots of water along the way. On our way home, we stopped at Wendy's for some lunch and a Canadian favorite- poutine! I quite enjoyed it! That night was the reception and there was LOTS Of dancing and a photo booth. VERY fun. I connected with some of Erin's mission companions that I would be travelling back home with- driving instead of flying. Buying a one way ticket was less expensive since I finally booked my flight on the 10th...literally 5 days before I left. It took a minute to find out if Danielle was planning to drive or fly. Anyway, we made plans to leave early early the next morning.

August 19th: our 7 year anniversary and a LONG day of driving for me. Danielle and I stopped the night before, after the reception, for me to pick up some Canadian provisions like lots of candy bars and some all dressed chips to bring home. I was proud that I didn't eat any of it until the last 2 hours of my drive...by myself... to keep me awake. We didn't really get to spend our anniversary together this year but, I'll make up for it next year. :)

August 20th: Patrick and I went to the aquarium, just the two of us, after my work day was over. I missed him and we needed some time to just play and have fun so, we had a little adventure. Scott had to take a last minute work trip to DC and left early on Monday morning so, I knew Patrick and I would be flying solo all week and would need to plan some outings.

August 22nd: My dad's birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Aunt Nancy joined us, as it was education week and she was staying with my parents. The food was good but the company was even better. 

August 25th: I took quick overnight and all day Saturday trip to Idaho with Jeramy and Alisha Hall. Scott was supposed to go on this adventure with me and, we were supposed to bring Patrick too and just have him stay with Doug and family while we were doing activities that were not so toddler friendly (hanging at Alisha's mom's farm with ALL her dogs and floating down the Bear River). Because Scott was still on his work trip through the weekend, it was just me and I asked my parents to watch Patch so that I could just hitch a ride there with the Halls, stay with Alisha's mom, and not have to worry about Patch. That worked out nicely but I did feel badly for leaving Patch two weekends in a row. This was only for a Saturday but still. Anyway, Alisha's mom spoiled us with LOTS of amazing produce and fresh pie. The float down the river was a blast and Jeremy even got to play the hero as one girl from our group nearly drowned while getting out of the water. We stopped at the ice cream factory on the way home and I picked up a box of Fat Boys...hello summer pregnancy craving. I was able to bottle a few jars of jam from a basket of raspberries and that felt like a major SCORE.

August 27th: Another "Millcreek Monday" only this time, all the kids were playing in the river and Patrick felt like it would be a good idea to strip down naked and get in the water. I debated stopping him but decided I'd rather keep his clothes dry and deal with the other parents judging me than having sopping wet clothes and shoes for the drive home. 

August 29th: A quick hike, just the three of us and Dinah, up at the top of Millcreek Canyon. 

August 31st: I worked from my parent's house and left Patrick with them for the weekend (3rd weekend in a row with overnight time away from one or both of us. The first weekend it was just me. Then it was both of us the following two weekends. Yes, I feel guilty about it.) We had this cabin trip planned with some couple friends for MONTHS so, it would have been difficult to back out. Anyway, Patrick was delighted to spend more time sleeping over at Yia yia and Paupou's house. He loves it there and he loves sleepovers. Our trip began on Friday night and ended Sunday morning anyhow so, it was a quick one. We had a great time playing games, eating lots of food (I was the domestic one making jalapeno poppers and breakfast the last morning). More on that trip in the September post :)

 

July

At the beginning of July our dish washer started pooling water and it smelled horrible. In an unusual turn of events, I decided to watch a few youtube tutorials and try to solve the problem...whatever it was...myself. I opened it up and took the thing apart. Patrick was very interested in the whole process and even contributed by wearing his Home Depot tool belt, goggles, and bringing down some tools. It was adorable and, guess what? I FIXED IT!!! I determined that perhaps the problem was the baking soda based homemade detergent we had been using BUMMER. I'll have to try another recipe sometime. Scott was pretty amused that I was using tools and taking something apart. It must be the pregnancy hormones that inspired some sort of strange nesting instinct or something. The point is, I fixed it...with Patrick's "help" of course.

Scott was in the thick of rehearsals for Zorro for Salty Dinner Theater. Many of the rehearsals were held at our house, thank goodness, so we still got to kind of see him :) Patrick and I enjoyed going to summer festivals and playing in our newly sodded backyard.

On the 4th of July we rode down Provo Canyon on our bikes with my parents and Scott's parents. The weather was perfect. That evening we went to Carol's house for a BBQ with Scott's siblings and cousins and that night we went back to my parent's house to watch the fireworks from the balcony with some of the Warrens.

On July 7th we met up with the Adams family at Deer Creek Reservoir for some fun on the lake. They have a ski boat and we brought pulled pork sandwiches for lunch. MAN was it a fun time.

On July 12th I had my 20 week ultrasound for baby boy no. 2...I had already confirmed that it was a boy at a gender reveal ultrasound just after my girls trip/ cruise in May so, this was all about baby's health- organs and development all looked like they were on track and we were so relieved. It took some time for me to see the doctor. He was all tied up with two other patients who were not receiving good news about their babies. One had anencephaly and the other had some kind of heart condition so, giving this news and discussing options with those patients took extra time thus, I didn't see the radiologist until 45 minutes after my ultrasound was complete. You can imagine my panic at waiting so long. However, he came in, apologized, told me other mother's were getting bad news but that our baby was perfect. I was relieved and, definitely recognizing the incredible miracle it is to have a healthy child.

At the end of July and in the few weeks following, we got to spend some quality time with Maddison and Eva my sweet nieces who live in DC. I gave them their Christmas gifts...from last year...and we played "Speak Out" the JR version and could not stop laughing. They were so sweet with Patrick too. They joined me to see Scott's show one evening, had a sleepover at our house the following weekend, and went camping with us another weekend. It was nice to get some more concentrated time with just them.

On July 21st, my performer friend Dallin and I did a "party splash" for a bachelorette party that was 1920's themed. I sported a short fringy dress and finger waves and tried my best to conceal my baby bump. It didn't work. The party guests could all tell I was pregnant but seemed to have a fun time anyway.

July 23rd: As Scott's performances of Zorro were in full swing in July and August, I found myself slinging Patrick all over town just the two of us. We decided it would be fun to attend the "Days of 47 Rodeo" at the state fairgrounds. It's one of the biggest rodeos in the state and there were even a number of competitors from outside the country. Patrick and I rode TRAX to the station nearest the fairgrounds and then walked to the rodeo. Once it was dark though, I got a little nervous to make the treck back by myself and we had Scott pick us up. Patrick really enjoyed all the animals and watching all the cowboys...and I'm not going to lie...I liked watching the cowboys too. Some of them were real handsome. It happened to be that Uncle Gary was working the paramedic tent that night so, we stopped by to chat with him for a minute. Patch and Uncle Gary were both wearing the same brand of cowboy boots so, he was pretty excited about that. Then Gary brought us over to the petting zoo area where we met an alpaca and a few other animals. Apparently the one alpaca is quite a kisser but I couldn't convince him to kiss me. :( #storyofmylife #jkjk Anyway, we loved the rodeo and Patrick was pretty enthralled by the horses. I was enthralled by the handsome cowboys. Of course my heart is true to Scott however, I could not help but notice how handsome many of them were!

On the 24th of July, we went to Mindy's gender reveal party. She used fireworks to announce the gender (another boy) and Scott and Dan were in charge of the fireworks. Mary purchased some firework swords for the kids and they totally loved them.  Unfortunately, one of the larger fireworks tipped over after lighting and exploded in the direction of the crowd and scared everyone away and even burned a few people...luckily none of the children. That quickly ended the party (poor Mindy!) but, she was able to get the gender reveal in before things got too crazy.

At the end of July we attended the annual Moore family camp. This year, Doug was in charge of planning so we went to a really great site in Idaho. As we were driving up I wasn't seeing any mountains and kept thinking....where are we heading?! When we arrived at camp I was pleasantly surprised. All of a sudden- BOOM -a beautiful set of towering mountains, streams, and a fishing reservoir. As always, we ate delicious food, played fun games (Scott and I had a particularly fun game of sardines with all the kids), did some shooting of guns, and sang songs around the camp fire. This year, we had a small fishing adventure with the kids where we went to dig up worms and then found a fishing reservoir nearby (had to drive just a bit) and while we didn't catch anything, the kids seemed to have a good time. When I asked the camp host where the best fishing was (which you know you'll never hear where the BEST fishing is from a local...they keep that to themselves :D) she looked at my belly and said "wow, when are you due" and I was MUCH smaller then...only 5 months.

On July 31st, we met up with a lot of the Warren cousins to go to Airborne and a pizza place to celebrate Eva's birthday. Maddison got a swim party and Eva got a bouncy place party. Very fun! I wished I could do more bouncing around but felt that it might be too risky with a little baby growing inside. Maybe I'm too cautious but, I did do a tiny bit of bouncing. Everyone had a blast and Maddie and Eva seemed particularly enthralled with the "silks" that hung over the foam pit area. Patrick met a little friend their and learned a new word "bamit" which sounds waaaaay to close to damnit for my taste so, we had a bit of a discussion about that.

July was eventful. Since I'm catching up on the blog...I will now plow forward into August and so ends the July post. byeeeeeee.

June

I don't have a clever title for this month.

There are a lot of things to say about June- mostly inspired by musicals- "they say when you marry in June, you're a bride all your life" and "June is bustin out all over".

Here's another thing to say about June: it's the name of the main character in my all time favorite (also new) TV show called "The Handmaid's Tale". It's the story of a distopian society that has taken to forcing "sinful" yet fertile women into birthing babies for what is essentially the "upper class". The story goes that the worlds food supply and quality nutrition depletes. Fertility rates plummet and those babies that are born often don't survive. It's a seemingly crazy story and yet, we as an audience can see so much of ourselves in it.

I'd like to write about the things that we've been up to but, today I have some more heavy thoughts. There has been a great deal of conflict in the US right now due to the POTUS, Donald Trump, and his "zero tolerance" immigration policies. People seeking asylum coming from South America have been detained and imprisoned. They've been separated from their children and some of them, I am told, will never be reunited. There have been a lot of nasty comments made on both sides of this situation/ argument (I'm not certain why there's even an argument- separating families is clearly wrong) and, I cannot abide by what I'm hearing about the treatment of these people. Comparisons are being made to the US closing borders to the Jews during the Holocaust and it doesn't feel like those comparisons are that far of a stretch.

I'm always nervous to write these kinds of thoughts down. What if I'm wrong? What if my information was misguided? What if I'm not taking a strong enough stance? Will I regret not having flown to Texas to lend a hand to the children in these detainment centers? Right now, I'm leaning toward that- toward dropping everything and going to be there and help in person.

I read that after a major crisis (school shootings, natural disasters, etc) there's often an influx of useless donations. Lots of "comforting" stuffed animals and clothes that "well meaning" people have cast off (shoes without matches and such)...come on people! What they need are toiletries, food, and love.

Scott and I have talked about solutions and of course that's easy to do- just talk about solving the world's problems. They're likely more complex than we can possibly understand. One thing Scott has suggested is that if we open our borders completely, it might force countries like Mexico to make some major changes in their economy to prevent their country from economic collapse. He makes a point. If the population were to dwindle to a point that the economy really began to feel it, adjustments would have to be made. Perhaps we are over simplifying. Scott's also read about how in Portugal they "decriminalized" all drugs and spent the money they were spending incarcerating drug criminals on education and drug rehab programs that focus on connection. Apparently the effects have been wildly positive. There's a Ted talk that explains how the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety...it's connection and provides a bunch of stats that support the idea that when individuals are connected to their community and family, they value themselves and avoid illicit drug use. Anyway, while we don't know how to solve the worlds problems, we are paying attention and we are trying to make a difference. More on that next post. :)

May the force be with you-

May was very eventful but the absolute highlight was taking Patrick to Disneyland for the very first time. We chose to do Disney in one day. Many people would argue that you can't truly do Disneyland in one day. I would agree with that. There are so many shows to see, shops to explore, and of course rides to enjoy. However, we really packed the day and had an amazing time. There are a few reasons we just decided to cram it into one day: 1- I was going to be in SoCal anyway because I had arranged a girls trip/ cruise that was set to head out of Long Beach on Sunday. I thought...why not grab Patrick and Scott and make Disney happen on Saturday. The other thought was that we kept telling Patrick that if he learned to pee and poo on the potty he would get to meet Mickey Mouse. While he didn't fully understand what that meant at first, having a deadline already scheduled was motivating for all of us to make that potty training happen! 2- lots of people will indeed do a week long pass to Disney but, after the cost of admission to the park(s), food, and hotel stay....that costs the same as a trip to Hawaii for the three of us since my parents own a place there. It's difficult to justify spending precious vacation time and money doing a week of Disney when Hawaii is so cost effective and much more relaxing.

One of the ways we maximized our time at Disney was by getting the "max" pass. It was just $10 extra/ ticket and allowed us to get fast passes directly onto our phones. We were eligible to get one fast pass/ hour. I will say, I was disappointed that the max pass only worked on a handful of rides. If I remember correctly they included Buzz Lightgear, Star Tours, Star Wars, Matterhorn, Mr. Toads Wild Ride, Its a Small World, Autopia, Indiana Jones, Haunted Mansion, Thunder Mountain Railroad, Splash Mountain...so all the big rides but NOTHING in Fantasy Land...many of those rides got to 40 minute waits or longer and those were the only ones Patrick could ride. There was one roller coaster in Toon Town that Patrick was able to ride. 

While the rides are great, the character meet and greets were the highlight for us. Patrick got to meet Mickey Mouse, Darth Vader, Ray, some storm troopers, and we saw Tiana walk by a couple of times. He had the sweetest encounter with Mickey Mouse. We walked through Mickey's house and I didn't realize that we had gotten ourselves into the line to meet him. The sign posted outside said that the line was 30 minutes long and I wasn't sure I wanted to wait all that time but, we found our way into the line anyway. It worked out nicely because when we got to the true line and waiting portion, we were watching old Mickey Mouse cartoon shorts on a big screen in his "barn/ studio". It was adorable and Patrick was delighted. When we walked inside, Mickey looked black and white and sort of "vintage" Patrick was charmed. His grin was so sweet and so big. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Such a sweet moment. He was a bit star struck but simultaneously super eager to go give Mickey a hug. We have the sweetest picture of him hugging Mickey and it was just so fun. 

I was proud of myself at one point later in the day. I had ordered two too many fast passes for the Matterhorn ride. My dad and I were skipping out on that one so, I went to the very back of the line. By about 4:00, the line wrapped all the way around the mountain to the backside and the line was about an hour long. I figured...if I went to someone at the back of the line and offered them my passes, I could get $5-10 for them...success. I found some high schoolers and got $5/ ticket. Thus, I paid for 1.5 max passes because Patrick and I didn't even use them on many of the rides...he was too small for more than half of the rides that the max passes were working for. Did I feel guilty...maybe a tiny tiny bit however, they skipped the line and I got some money. Seemed fair.

We let Patrick lead the day in a lot of ways. I chased him around Tom Sawyer island- now called Pirate island or Treasure Island or something like that. I showed him the Tarzan tree. We rode lots of kiddie rides together. I took him to the potty more times than I could count. Funny thing about the potty...I must have been cursed at Disney because EVERY SINGLE sink I chose had an adjacent paper towel dispenser that was EMPTY!!! Every one! After the second one I thought...this is a fluke. Disney is so on top of this! There's no way I'm going to run into another paper towel thing that is out and IT. KEPT. HAPPENING. And, surprisingly, I wasn't annoyed. I just laughed. It's like Disneyland and I had a little inside joke going. Then, get this, when I was with my girlfriends on the Queen Mary on Sunday morning having brunch...the towel dispenser I chose when I washed my hands on the boat was dirty!!! Too funny.

Back to Disney-

We found ourselves exploring lots of parts of the park that I've never really seen (or at least remember seeing) because Patch is still so little and can't do lots of the big rides. One thing we all enjoyed was the Tiki Room. I was enthralled and the music was so great! I hear that the Tiki Room is getting replaced with something else eventually so, I was imagining the birds all being auctioned off at some charity event and becoming collectibles. If that were to be the case, what bird would I want? Probably Colette. I just like that name :)

We had such a delightful day. Pixar Fest was happening so, there was a really fun Pixar parade through Disneyland that I fully enjoyed since most of the Pixar stuff is generally in California Adventures and I was going to miss Sunday at that park. So, while Patrick and Scott rode Autopia, my mom and I watched the Pixar parade. So fun! They had characters from Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Inside Out, Bugs Life, and a few others. I loved seeing the inventive ways they created for the Pixar characters to move through the parade. De. Lightful.

 One of our last rides was "It's a Small World". We all got to ride that one together and Patrick sat with my parents. That is a ride that I typically don't rush to get onto so, it's been years since I've seen it and now they have all this Pixar stuff in there too. If you ask me, the Pixar parts felt a bit "reachy" and out of place but I understand why they would do that. I did love looking at all the details on the costumes and talking to Patrick about what the song meant was meaningful. In the days following our trip, he would sing the song in the car or ask us to sing it for him. 

We left the park around dinner time to grab some food in Downtown Disney. We ate at a New Orleans style restaurant and ordered way to much food- as usual. Patrick hadn't napped by this point and was kind of losing patience as Scott and my dad waited in line to order food. I didn't realize that he was heading into breakdown mode because my mom and I popped over into The Disney Dress Shop where they sell vintage inspired dresses made with licensed fabrics. (I didn't find anything that I loved-DARN IT) When we got back to the boys Scott asked if I would take Patch and occupy him over by the fountain. In hindsight, he probably just wanted out of the stroller but, I got after him for fussing and rushed him away from the crowds to calm him down and talk. We were across the way at this fountain and I was crouched down in front of him offering to take him out to eat when this kid walks up behind us just a few feet and projectile vomits! I don't think any got on us but the splashes of his vomit were close to us. Nasty. Well, anyway, Patrick was still occupied with his own tantrum but did calm down when I spoke to him down on his level and offered for him to sit with us at the table and eat dinner like a big boy. He did a great job after that and was quite pleasant the rest of the evening. Toward the end of dinner, he had to run to the bathroom which was just past the Lego store. Naturally Patch wanted to pay the Lego store a visit so, I told him that if he ate his dinner well, he could go there. We literally ran back to the table to finish eating (darting in and out of crowds of people...my trying to keep up with him) and yes, he did get to go to the Lego store. 

After that, my parents brought him back home for bed and Scott and I headed back into Disneyland to do a few more rides just the two of us. Around the time we got out of riding the Buzz Lightgear ride, the evening Pixar show was starting. There were sections of the path just in front of the castle blocked off and already filled up by viewers. It appeared there was no more room for additional people to try to watch the show. Scott and I were ushered through a path and Disney employees were trying to keep the crowds moving (they do, after all, have to worry a great deal about crowd control and making sure there are clear safe walking paths) so, we got clever and just kept walking in circles around the iconic statue of Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney. Literally walking in circles while watching the show. It was awesome. I do love working the system. We rode the rockets in Tomorrow Land and had one last fast pass for Indiana Jones. One our way there, I heard live music playing and there was A SWING DANCE happening...yes....a swing dance at one of the performance areas near Mainstreet. So, naturally, Scott and I took a moment to dance and enjoy. It was definitely a highlight of the day for me.

Patrick said a few times throughout the day, "I'm so glad that I learned to poop and pee on the potty so that I could come to Disneyland". *heart eyes* That was the sweetest. I'm glad to buddy, I'm glad too.

Spring is here lalala spring is here!

My peonies have started popping out of the ground. The grass is green. The rose bushes are coming back to life. All the signs of spring are here...including the occasional snow storm (totally normal for spring in Utah). It's such a beautiful time of year and we are definitely enjoying it! There's lots of yard work and lots of distractions for outdoor adventures.

Here's a quick list of what we've been up to:

-Scott started his new job in logistics at Purple (the mattress company)
-I threw a baby "sprinkle" for a friend who's having her second baby
-We attended Scott's college friends wedding reception
-We filed our taxes
-Scott and I both performed at the Salty Dinner Theater Spring Ball
-Scott went turkey hunting with his brother and we spent most of the day with cousins in Idaho and then the evening with Grandma, Auntie Andrea, and cousin Kenna
-On Earth Day, we hiked up in Millcreek Canyon along Porter Fork....at least I think that's what it was called
-celebrated Scott's birthday with a bike ride to the park and some delicious Chick Fil A
-Took a trip to Moab and Green River with some friends

It's been a thrilling spring thus far. More details to follow :)

Music

Scott and I made a commitment to each other last fall when we finished our most recent shows that we would do a full 12 months without performing. We've both accepted the occasional one to two night performing opportunity in the recent past but nothing with multiple nights a week of rehearsal for weeks or months. While I've missed performing and have struggled with the temptation to audition for some favorite shows/ roles...I've held strong thus far.

In the interim, I've really found myself enjoying being the listener again. I'm listening to more of my Pandora radio stations. I'm seeking out new music. I'm more in tune with the music that others are sharing and I have to say...I'm really enjoying that. I've found myself craving new music like a drug and this new song is one I've heard before but keeps coming to mind over and over.

Anchor by Mindy Gledhill

When all the world is spinning 'round 
Like a red balloon way up in the clouds
And my feet will not stay on the ground
You anchor me back down

I am nearly world renowned
As a restless soul who always skips town
But I look for you to come around
And anchor me back down

There are those who think that I'm strange
They would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
That you wouldn't have me any other way

When people pin me as a clown
You behave as though I'm wearing a crown
When I'm lost, I feel so very found
When you anchor me back down

There are those who think that I'm strange
They would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
That you wouldn't have me any other way

When all the world is spinning 'round
Like a red balloon way up in the clouds
And my feet will not stay on the ground
You anchor me back down

It feels like this year long sabbatical from performing may afford me the opportunity to focus on some things I've wanted to do for a while- more recording at home, more music with Patch, building my "book", sending in an official application to TMG (a talent agency). All of these things take time...time that I have more of since I'm not doing any big shows.

Here is my commitment: by the end of April, I will put my reel together and I will record this song. 

This song really speaks to me. I'm a pretty free spirit. A friend of mine gave me the book "Star Girl" to read in high school and I kept thinking - this story is about me! This strange girl who doesn't give a d@#m what other people think but kind of does and just lives her awesome life. What/ who are the anchors in my life? My boys. Everything I do, I do for them. The most selfish thing I do is theater because it takes so much time away from them. It's been nice to have my anchors helping me and loving me through all my crazy.

On Motherhood and Life's Challenges

Patrick is now 3. I find myself needing to get him out of the house once a day. It doesn't matter where we go- the store, the library, or even the car wash all provide a reprieve from the cabin fever that has truly set in. As a 3 year old, Patch is flexing his metaphorical muscles as an independent human and his actual muscles as he is now capable of injuring me if things get out of hand.

A few weeks ago, on President's Day weekend, we spent time at Lava Hot Springs with Scott's family. Just days before we left, Scott made the scary decision to leave his job at Onset Financial after working for them for about 6 months. I was giving him some time to work on job applications and figure out what is next so, Patrick and I headed over to a new "bouncy place" to meet up with Mary and Caro before leaving for the weekend in Lava. We had a blast expelling some energy and I purchased a punch pass for 10 visits to the jump place- $5/kid and parents are free (whaaaaa? GREAT deal) Anyway, we had a lovely time. Patrick loves his friends Scarlett and Lucely (how he pronounces Lucy) and James and Olyvia.

We slid down the slide all together several times and had a splendid time of bouncing on the huge inflatable pillow at the center of the gym. Anyway, we were about ready to leave and walked over to put on our shoes and coats when Patrick insisted I give him his new Thomas the train toy that he had just gotten from Kathie. He demanded and I insisted that he ask me nicely. That sent him into a spiral that included him hitting me for the toy and writhing away when I tried to put on his shoes. The whole thing escalated to me walking out the door with him holding onto my leg as I dragged him across the floor. Knowing that I couldn't do that out in the parking lot, I carried him out of the place fireman style and could feel the other moms there cheering me on like "you got this girl!" "we've all been there!" It was rough. When we got out to the car, he kept insisting on getting that toy and I kept insisting that he ask me nicely which he didn't want to do. I buckled him in his seat, him fighting me the whole time, and he immediately unbuckled. I figured...we're in the parking lot, here is a teaching moment. I began to back out. He knows that not being buckled in a moving car is dangerous and that he can't unbuckle his seatbelt until mom takes out the keys. Well, he was very concerned when I started driving. So concerned that he began screaming at me to stop the car, hopped up to the front and grabbed my face scratching me along the cheek. He drew blood and I was losing my patience with this particular tantrum. I kept my cool really well until that happened. I yelled at him to sit down and calm down saying that this behavior was unacceptable. I would not be giving back the Thomas until he learned to ask me nicely and treat me nicely. I buckled him back in before we got on the main road and drowned out his tantrum until we got home using some music.

It was rough.

I needed a cleansing shower when we got home. I also needed to show my normally very sweet boy some serious love when we got home. We talked about what had happened and both apologized to each other. 

*****

I have a set of china tea cups that my grandmother collected and passed down to me. They hang in my kitchen on the wall and are a delightful reminder of my grandmother who was a nearly perfect woman. A few years ago as I was putting Christmas decorations away, I temporarily hung my advent calendar on one of the tea cup hooks. As I went to put the advent calendar away, I neglected to use two hands and the string caught on the saucer and it came tumbling to the ground and shattered into about 5 different pieces. I grabbed some super glue and managed to piece the thing together without a single chip missing. What luck I thought.

About two years later, Patrick was just an infant and I was grabbing his car seat, my diaper bag, my computer bag, and him to head out the door. I was in a rush to get to work on time and whipped his blanket up in the air along that same wall beneath the tea cups. Somehow, that blanket caught the SAME. SAUCER. in just the right way and again, it came crashing to the ground; this time breaking into even more pieces. I gathered up all the pieces I could find and glued them together again. 

There's now a small chip in the plate but, I hide it well behind the cup that hangs just in front. I think it looks pretty good for all that it's been through.

I feel a little bit like my saucer. I'm valuable, delicate, and beautiful. I have meaning for my family and friends. I'm so far from perfect as a mother (and wife, daughter, sister, and friend) but luckily, my son and everyone else seems to love me and keep me around anyway. I make mistakes and I apologize. I try to be open to corrections and critiques. Life has been challenging me a great deal over the last couple of years. I have some cracks and a tiny bit of me is missing because of my sweet baby that we lost in November. As life has challenged me and I've pieced myself back together I realize that perhaps I'm even more beautiful now. Now that I'm more than just valuable, delicate, and beautiful. I have stories to tell. Like my plate, if you walk by me, you won't likely be able to tell but upon closer inspection, you may see my cracks and chips and you'll know that I too have fallen and shattered and yet, I have managed to put the pieces together again....and again.

A Poem

On quiet mornings

I rise early all alone

The house is silent

The only light, my phone

I walk down the stairs

I try my best to sneak

my boys are sleeping

can't let these floors squeak

I love these quiet mornings

I make myself some tea

I adventure off to China

And the kiddos that I teach 

The Waiting Place

We read books to Patrick every night before bed. One that we read a lot is "Oh the Places You'll Go" and in it, the boy winds up in "the waiting place". The book describes many of the different kinds of waiting that happen here's some of my waiting story:

Today I'm in the waiting place. Waiting for my cycle to return so that we can start trying for another baby. Waiting to hear back after my interview at Chase Bank. Waiting to hear back after my interview at Zion's Bank. Waiting to figure out if I really can increase our Airbnb monthly earnings. Waiting waiting. I have a particularly bad cold right now that I'm waiting to go away. We were all sick over Christmas. Now we're sick again. I suppose that's part of having a toddler and going places with lots of children on a regular basis (Sea Quest Aquarium, Get Air Bounce place, Jungle Jims, McDonalds play place...all in the last 30 days).

Here's a bit of an update from after the miscarriage and through Thanksgiving and Christmas. Shortly after I finished my blog post things started to happen. It took an hour for the contractions and bleeding to start and by about 7:30 PM I had passed the whole pregnancy- placenta and embryo. I didn't dig around too much to find the fetus or anything though, some people have done that. I did pick it up out of the toilet and held it/ looked at it. It was very painful, as promised, but not as painful as full term labor. It was definitely more painful than I expected though. My parents took Patrick for me so that I could have some time to myself and then when Scott got home we had time just the two of us. There was some waiting involved and Scott distracted me with watching some Game of Thrones. I also got a lovely edible arrangement from some dear friends who happened to know that I was pregnant. There was some tasty fruit- chocolate covered pineapple, bananas, and strawberries. The pineapple pieces were in the shape of doves. I was feeling a little angry at the universe so, I bit the heads off the doves. Bonnie and Steve had my parents pick up a flower arrangement for me. Leslie purchased me a beautiful stone that brings healing and fertility. Gosh, I'm surrounded by people that love me. I told a few too many people that I was pregnant but, at the end of the day, it was nice to have a support system when I broke the news that I wasn't pregnant anymore.

It's been a month and I just barely finished bleeding a couple of weeks ago.  I've had to go in weekly to do blood draws to make sure my HCG levels are dropping like they should. That's been super fun. I also got to do an ultrasound a week after the miscarriage which, because we had to change health insurance when I left Banner Bank and we were only covered for 1 month with Scott's employer, we were not even close to the deductible (imaging is not often fully covered by health insurance) so, that was basically $800 that month for insurance and $600 for the ultrasound imaging. Fan. Tastic.

Back to the good news, I'm not bleeding anymore. This means, my cycle can return any time. Yehaw. Or, I could potentially get pregnant again.

In spite of sickness, we've had a good start to the new year. There's been lots of fun things for our family and things are going well for Scott at work. He's booked two deals and literally all of his teammates that were hired at the same time as him are now gone. YIKES. We're contemplating him doing online university schooling to get a second degree. The thought is that we'll move out of our house, rent it out, and I'll keep working for VIPKID to cover expenses in the interim. The other part of that thought is that we'll move further east so that the time difference between me and the kids I teach is smaller and I could potentially work more hours. Living expenses in Chile could be pretty reasonable so, we're contemplating it. No serious plans yet.

I'm making decent progress on my new years goals:
1: make the bed every day
2: read one book a month (I've already read 3.5)
3: have more friends over/ entertain more
4: travel

Waiting is not easy but, that's part of life.